Ode to a Butterfly

         
I have had a fascination with butterflies since I was a little girl. The way one is born from the egg of its abandoning mother and spends its childhood as a fat little caterpillar that spends every waking hour eating. Then it goes into seclusion, weaving this tiny little cocoon that appears to be made of glass. It is so fragile, so unstable that the tiniest speck of dust would shatter it into a thousand pieces. But the cocoon survives and so does its inhabitant.
         
While in the cocoon, the caterpillar changes, it transforms into a completely different creature. And when it is ready, it emerges as a butterfly that is just as fragile as it is beautiful. Its wings appear to be made of stained glass mosaic that could be broken by the throwing of the tiniest pebble. But then the clouds part and the sun comes out, drying the butterfly’s wings and preparing it for its first flight.
         
And when the butterfly is willing, it will test its new wings. It is a leap of faith. The butterfly will fly or it will fall to its death. And those that have faith in themselves fly. They soar over the grassy fields and harmonious gardens with an understanding that everything is right in this world. But those that do not have any faith fall down to the crusty gravel where they are overpowered and killed. Those who have nothing to live for end up stuck to the bottom of someone’s sneaker, forgotten and misunderstood.
         
Looking back on my life, I have come to the sad conclusion that I have lived the life of a butterfly. And that is very discouraging. I was born then abandoned by my mother, and spent three fourths of my childhood eating. I felt secluded, so I went into hiding. And when I reappeared, I was more beautiful and radiant then I ever imagined that I could be. But I was so delicate that the littlest things, the most trivial remarks broke me. One day my wings dried and I was ready to take that leap of faith. But I fell and I fell hard. When I finally hit rock bottom I was ugly, full of scars and bruises I had acquired from my fall and I hid myself in shame. During this time I looked back on my life and it amazed me that in such a short time I had both risen to my peak and fallen to the very depths of what appeared to be hell. And now I wanted to die. Slowly my courage came back to me and I was ready to face the world. The sky was my limit. I remembered something my Nana always said when I was little. Wheresoever you go Noinin, go with all of your heart. The only place I was going was up, and I was going with everything I had.