My Ecology

          In the attempt to salvage himself from self-destruction, man created a specious panacea, the myth of salvation. I was once a victim of this fallacy. Nevertheless, my survival depended on it at a time when my mind was in its most primitive state. Historically, it was a medieval age for me. In my youth, as I began to open my eyes and fathom the world around me, my first vision was darkness. This darkness is ineffable to describe. In my own ignorance I could not understand myself or my purpose. Like an alien feeling nostalgic for a world to belong in, I felt a strong sense of solitude and derangement. The universe is so vast that in contemplation I would shrink to nothingness.  
          Confused and lost in thought, religion offered me what my soul was hoping for, to live a perfect and meaningful life. I viewed myself as an imperfect flaw devoid of any possible purpose, and it was the heavenly role of a Father to heal me of my wounds and madness. As time progressed, I began to see religion for what it really was. "Religion is the sigh of the hard-pressed creature. It is the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of the soulless circumstances. It is the opium of the people." (Karl Marx) It does not get anymore accurate than this. I departed from my Christian beliefs thanks to my ego, for it was my pride and my unwillingness to admit that I was just as equal as the rest of the herd that made me despise any form of socialism, or any philosophy that advocates the submission of one's soul in order to gratify any superior cause. Even though I lacked self-esteem, I still had enough love for myself to at least consider man's individual soul and mind as a sacred entity that should be controlled or manipulated by nothing.  
          Alas, what I have been taught was all a lie. But is it so hard to believe that the earth and the stars are the creations manifested by a boundless love? Would it be too presumptuous to say earth is a beautiful gem where the grandest of all creatures would emerge as part of a perfect plan? Of course! Nature constantly reminds us of its destructive impetus. The stars then become to us purposeless matter declaring the meaninglessness of the universe. The only thing that truly exists is an immense solitude, a void that men ever since have been trying to fill up. Our souls greatly resemble that of outer space. This horrendous view of nature turned me into a nihilist, with the belief that society can only improve through methods of destruction. I became fascinated by Hitler and Nietzsche; the former because of the havoc he rendered, and the latter for his logical criticism against all cults. But I was very unhappy, and hated the world because I felt the world hated me as well.  
          But things have changed dramatically for me these past few years. I have regained my sanity! I no longer see life as a burden, but as a challenge. My goal is to follow the path of success, whether it involves inner peace, money, long-lasting friendships or just enjoying myself every moment. But I think that it is not the materialistic desires that give me a peace of mind, but the fact that a life will be full of rich experiences; that the ripples a life can form will be great enough to make a difference. This recent wisdom I have possessed is my true awakening.  
          In my renaissance I have become a naturalist. While I am but a mere speck of microscopic dirt, it feels good to be part of the great mystery of life, where my role in the large-scale scheme of things is infinitesimal yet as satisfying as the bear who hibernates during the winter.