Who Am I

damn, it ain't right
the world doesn't want to let me be who I am
doesn't want me to be the person that i should be
or want to be
no, i have to be who they want me to be
fighting to survive, to stay alive
why can't i go on a picnic or lay on the beach
without having to show muscles or a weapon
why do i have to be the badest gangsta on the block
just to get some plastic respect
that's not respect, that's fear
why do people have to fear me
there was a time when i could walk outside
without having to fear that i might have to kill somebody today
but that ended when i was about 10 years old
i wasn't born with these guns hooked into my pants
that i have to carry on me at all times
that i can't afford not to have with me
hell, i'd lived through stuff by the time i was 8
that some people never see their entire life
terrible stuff
kids skipping rope over bloodied concrete
that had seen action the night before
or even an hour before
junkies laying in doorways and gutters
daily overdose victims
the sounds of gunshots and sirens the whole night
crawling through the house for hours
praying not to get hit by a stray bullet
scared to walk out into the streets at any time of day or night and running into the police
with or without a gun
and why the hell do i have to pray
that when the police stop me
that there are at least five camera teams around
to document me getting my ass kicked
why can't i be me?
hell, i've gotten an education
even through all the bullshit
that i had to go through
no, i'm not the smartest person in the world
at least not when you look at the test results
maybe i had other things on my mind at test time
things that you never had to deal with
things that kind of made that test not a priority at the time
but i still got through it, i'm not stupid
it just wasn't my number one priority at the time
maybe i was thinking about how i could
get my ass home in one piece after school
or even to my next class without being shot
shit, i have lived in places so bad that once it got dark even the people that live there
stay out of the neighborhood all night
rather then go home
and Lord help any stranger that mistakenly wanders into the area after dark
why do i have to live like this?
why can't i be me?
why can't i stand on the sidewalk without
having to worry about a drive-by
or the man in blue asking me for some id
and God help me if i don't have it on me
i shouldn't have to worry about being a target from all sides
i shouldn't have to have the attitude
"it's them or me"
i shouldn't have to dread
the sun going down every evening
but i guess you are wondering why in the world
am i telling you all of this
because i was sitting here thinking
who the hell am i?
and it just came to me
i am your worst damn nightmare
because that's what you have made me
(snickers) yeah..thanks...
....but then again
....who the hell are you?