G.I. JOE and Barbie

Hey everyone I’m G.I. JOE, and I’m here to tell you a little something something about miss perfect … you may know her as Barbie!

First off let me tell you she is, as many of you suspect, pretty much completely plastic. I think She and Michael Jackson have the same cosmetic surgeon. But I had a date with Barbie one night so I drove up in my Ballistic Commando Tank around 7 o’clock at her Malibu beach house. Can we say spoiled? I swear her daddy buys her everything. Don’t get me wrong, Mr. Mattel is a great guy, but does Barbie actually deserve this stuff? I mean she can’t hold a job, she switches career fields as often as I change my G.I. Drawers, which to me seems like once a week. I mean what are you Barbie? A Dr., a veterinarian, a life guard, a yoga instructor … God just make up your damn mind woman!

So anyways, I picked her up and everything was going fine, until she started complaining that my tank wasn’t roomy enough for her long legs!!! What ever Barbie, I’m sure your little pink corvette has lots of room in it for your barely bendable legs, I mean my tank can only hold an RPG, two bazookas five M16A-2 service rifles and a tool box. I think what it came down to was she was embarrassed riding in something with such a dull paint job. Well I’m sorry I don’t think pink is very tactical.

We finally made it to the My Little Pony Ranch, our date site for the evening, when who would show up? You guessed it Ken! Pretty boy Ken with the perma-smile. So he walks over and starts hitting on Barbie and I’m like “Hey pal she’s with me tonight.” But he reaches in his wallet and pulls out a 20 dollar bill, throws it at me and tells me to get lost. Well naturally I picked up the twenty … then I turned around and punched Ken in the face as I screamed, “You want to hit on my date? How about I hit on your face. And stop stuffing we all know your bulge is fake.” Then after I finished pummeling him I took his wallet snatched out a remaining 50 bucks then turned to Barbie and said lets leave.

She of course can’t take violence and doesn’t approve of my over inflated macho attitude and doesn’t understand why I beat up Ken. So she left with him instead! What a whore. Stupid Californian-tree-hugging-protesting-bra burning-hippie. So I yell at her “Screw you, I’m going to go mack on the Bratz Dolls.” Which I might add are way hotter and let you be the doctor, if you know what I mean.

But first I followed her and Ken to the ocean look out point. Here I proceeded to knock them out, tie them up and throw them in the back of my tank. I then started to drive to the toy box. I got out of my tank and made them take off all their clothes, then I tore Barbie’s head off and threw it on the ground. I then chucked both of their naked bodies into the bottomless pit that is the toy box. Muhahaha.

So that’s the story of how much of a bitch Barbie is and not to mess with me in public, so now you know. And knowing is half the battle … GO JOE!