Unidentiable Pity

Wow, another audition. I’m pretty much a regular at these things. You all know me by my first name, and I’ve even slept with a few of you in my relentless efforts to make it to the top. I mean really, If Madonna can sleep her way to the top, why can’t I?

Anyway, like I said, I’m a seasoned veteran of the movie audition. But I know that one day, one fateful day, I will get a part and join the ranks of men like Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson, or perhaps, if I’m lucky enough, Kevin Costner. Gosh, wasn’t Waterworld an amazing film? It was sheer brilliance, in my opinion. Just like me.

And that’s why I can’t comprehend the rejection these judges hand out. I mean, if talentless guys like Nicholas Cage or Al Pacino can get these parts and make it big, then why can’t I? It just doesn’t make any sense to me. Acting is in my blood. The stage is like home to me, which is probably why I’m sleeping outside the theater right now.

But that’s not the point. The point, my friends, is this: I, a man of supreme skill and talent, should not be losing parts to Joe Schmoe on the street corner. For example, has anyone even heard of Tom Hanks? My point exactly.

It’s a conspiracy. That’s the only logical reason. It’s a conspiracy. The higher ups in Hollywood are afraid that if I get one part, I will monopolize the film industry and any film I don’t appear in will flop.

If you’re a part of the conspiracy too, I really can’t hold it against you, considering that you are only a puppet of Hollywood’s powerful. When your job is on the line, it would kind of be asinine for me to be angry and bitter about it. Anyway, if that’s the case, then I guess I shouldn’t even waste my time, or yours for that matter. If anything changes, just let me know, alright? Peace.