The Rules of Engagement

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The rules of engagement had changed when he spoke her name in a moment of passion.

She was not prepared for the torrent of anguished guilt mixed with pleasure at hearing it.

His work-roughened hands caressed her body, and she could no longer think of what was proper, what was right. He was here and she was here and this was really happening.

She didn't care. Tomorrow would be soon enough for guilty recriminations.

He slowly unbuttoned her shirt. She brought her hand up to stop him, but when he questioningly looked at her, her resolve melted. His eyes were like oceans, and she wanted to drown in them.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked.

She did not answer. She was afraid of what she might say, and that he would stop. She smiled at him, put her hand on his, and brought it to her breast.

"Don't start what you can't finish," she said quietly. Her own raw desire was reflected in his eyes.

For this one time, she would listen to her heart, not her head. She would feel true emotions she had never felt before. There would be no strings attached to this encounter. She prayed she could live with herself afterward.

***

A small lamp dimly lit the room. Outside, a sudden thunderstorm broke. On the wall, their shadows mingled. He looked at her again and nodded. His fingers idly caressed her nipple. She gasped, and closed her eyes for an instant.

"Look at me," he said. He drew her into his arms, and she opened her eyes. She felt somewhat self-conscious under his intense gaze.

"If you do not feel comfortable, just tell me. I do not want to hurt you," he whispered, holding her close.

She wrapped her arms around him, face to face, forehead to forehead. She pressed her body against his, and could feel his arousal.

She smiled. "I'm comfortable, just nervous is all. So many thoughts are running through my head... Is it ok if we just talk a bit?" Her breathlessness belied the words.

He nodded. "Of course." They sat on the bed, close together. She pulled her shirt closed for a moment. He smiled at her.

She reached for his hands.

"I admit I don't know what I'm doing here. Millions of arguments, excuses, and thoughts have run through my head. You say you have been honest with me... but I have a small tiny doubt. Getting involved with you is... complex, to say the least." She trailed off..

"I have been honest with you. I will always be honest with you. Why would I lie?"

She giggled nervously. "Well you could be a serial killer, or you could be telling me what I want to hear because you're actually quite selfish."

He laughed. "Surely you know me better than that?" He caressed her hands. "I do not say what I don't mean."

"But..." She looked into his eyes once again, her words forgotten, as he moved to sit closer.

"Shhhh... your doubts are assuaged, sweetie. Nothing here but kind affection and trust, two people who found each other..." He put his arm around her. With his other hand, he gently tilted her head toward his.

Then he kissed her, a deep passionate kiss of hungry longing. She returned the kiss, her tongue meeting his, her hands on his thighs.

Her breathing became shallower as he brought his hand to her breast again. She moaned into his mouth.

***

She did not understand the attraction: two people, strangers, meeting purely by coincidence online. Their attraction was instantaneous. She should have known. Her heart was easily stolen.

He seemed a little aloof, unsure at first, but as she responded, he opened up and they got to know each other. There were still so many things they didn't know about one another, but that didn't matter. He made her feel special, and she was happy for the first time in a long time.

They had much in common, sometimes saying the same thing at the same time. It was if they were two halves of the same person. Fate seemed to be playing a mysterious game.

No mention was made of their respective spouses or children. There was an unspoken agreement that the time they had together was their time. However, real life was always more important. She had strong ethics and values, but this relationship was changing some of her ideas. She loved her husband--he was her rock, but having this new relationship made her feel wanted and needed and appreciated.

Perhaps it was all just an act, though. No real emotions tied into their flirtatious behavior. That's what she told herself. Was that what he told himself? She would never do anything to jeopardize their friendship. It meant too much to her. They had only known each other for a few months, but it seemed longer. She tried not to think about how it might end someday. She lived in the moment, living a lifetime in each precious minute with him.

Why wasn't she getting this validation from her husband? She wondered about that. If real life was more important, why was she spending time talking online to a complete stranger? Would she have even spoken to this stranger in real life? No, she wouldn't. In real life, she was timid, afraid of taking risks. Online, she had no fear of what others assume about her. In real life, an affair would break her heart.

She didn't keep secrets from her husband. He knew she chatted with a man. She could not lie to him when he asked about her newfound interest. But she also didn't tell him the whole truth about everything said in her online conversations. A sin of omission, maybe, but a girl has to have some privacy.

She often thought about how she would feel if her husband was doing the same thing as she. She decided that she would feel a bit jealous at first, but if their home relationship improved, she could not complain--much. She knew their home relationship was 300% better than before she started chatting with this stranger.

At the same time, she knew she was playing with fire.

***

Her heart was easily stolen. To say anything else would be lying to herself. And she was lying to herself, just a little bit. Just knowing him, talking with him, was almost enough---but not quite. She wanted to experience him, to memorize him, so that she could have that much, at least. But she was afraid.

The ache within grew fiercer. She wanted to slake her thirst with him, quench the raging passion. But was it all a lie? Was her mind playing tricks on her, making the grass seem greener on the other side of the fence? She had no illusions. She knew what she was getting herself into, and she knew the possible consequences of her actions. But NOT being with him was much worse.

Plans were arranged; time seemed to stop for her. She thought about chickening out of their meeting, but she couldn't stop herself from getting in her car and driving all that way to see him. She HAD to see him.

Who is this person I've become? she wondered.

***

And here they were, together at last. She prayed he would not reject her. Not now.

She looked into his eyes again. His hand seemed to tremble as he caressed her. Was he nervous too? All the months of talking about doing it faded away in that one moment. She did not care that she knew very little about him. Lust or love, she wasn't sure, but she was sure of one thing: this was meant to happen. It had to be meant to happen. Surely it was not some romantic fool's fantasy. Could it feel so right if it was only a fantasy?

He kissed her then, leaning forward to take her in his arms, his tongue intertwining with hers. She gasped at the pure heat of his passionate embrace. Was this what she had been missing? Her eyes closed automatically.

"Look at me," he whispered again. "I want us to be crystal clear before continuing."

She opened her eyes, his words shocking her back to reality.

"I want to be sure you really want to do this, because I really want to do this, and I don't want to hurt you in any way. It's hard not to get emotionally involved, and we can't make promises to each other that we can't keep." He took a deep, shaky breath. "I won't leave her for you, just as you won't leave him for me. This is all we have. There may not be a chance for more."

The words cut her, but she knew he was right. "Yes, I understand perfectly. I have never made demands on you; I'm not about to start now." Her eyes welled with tears, but she did not cry. Not yet, not until she was safely on her way home, anyway.

"Good. It's important to be upfront about such things."

She nodded. He moved closer to her, kissing her again. His hands began to roam her body, inch by inch, as if to memorize her like a photograph. She rested one hand on his thigh, the other gently touched his face, learning the details.

"I want you," he whispered, his breath hot on her ear. She shivered. He kissed alongside her neck, down to her chest, tasting her skin for the first time. Stopping suddenly, He drew her shirt off, then unclasped her bra easily. Again, she shivered. She pulled his shirt off. They lay back against the pillows, facing each other. He leaned in to kiss her, his tongue teasing hers. Then he kissed down her chin, along her neck, finally trailing his tongue between her breasts. She wanted to force his head to them, but she didn't move. She was hardly breathing. Everything else was forgotten....

And then his tongue met her hardened nipple. She moaned, deep in her throat. She had been craving---needing---this moment for months, and this was only the beginning.

She rolled over onto her back as he continued his explorations. Her skin felt like fire, but she shivered in spite of it. He glanced at her and she reassured him with a smile. His hand strayed to her waist, unbuttoning her jeans, unzipping them, all the while tracing slow circles around her nipple with his tongue.

She did not think; she only felt.

He stopped his attentions to pull her jeans off, tossing them aside, rejoining her on the bed. "Mmmmm..." he said, looking at her. She smiled tentatively, wanting to hide herself from him, but resisting the impulse.

"You're beautiful," he said. "And I mean that."

She smiled again as he held her close. "Why am I the only one almost naked?" she teased him, tugging at his pants. He grinned and quickly stripped them off.

"There. Now where were we?"

"Hmmm...." she said, pulling him down on top of her. "Here, I think..." She kissed him, wrapping her arms around him, their underwear the only thing separating them.

He pressed into her, his need evident. Breaking the embrace, he struggled to calm his breathing. "I want this to last..."

"Shhh..." she whispered. "We have all night."

"That we do..."

He began to kiss her again, first on her mouth, then lower, along her neck, around her nipples, along her stomach....

"Tell me what you want me to do," he said, looking at her.

"I think you know..."

"Say it for me. I want to hear it." His fingers caressed her skin at the top of her panties.

Her heart was beating faster. This was the point of no return--and she didn't care about anything anymore. This was the perfect world.

"Make me yours," she commanded, lifting her hips as he slid off her panties.

Her back arched as his tongue met her sensitive clit. His fingers explored her soft inner wetness.

"Oh yes..." she moaned.

He flicked his tongue faster and harder over her clit, licking and tasting her sweetness. Her hands gripped his hair, as her hips met every thrust of his tongue. His fingers ravaged her, finding secret places. Her moans of pleasure filled the room, exciting him.

In a rush, her body shuddered. She felt as if her head would explode. Her inner muscles clenched his fingertips, and he didn't stop, as the wave rolled over her.

She cried his name in the moment of release. He smiled and continued to tease her with his tongue.

"Oh god, stop..." she said. He looked up and grinned.

"Was it good for you?" he asked.

She smiled and tried to catch her breath. "Now what do you think?"

"Mmmm..." He traveled his way back up her body to lay beside her, kissing her. She reached for him, as they rolled toward each other. He gasped as she grazed his rock-hard cock with her fingertips.

"Your turn," she said.

"Mmhmm..." he said, quickly removing his underwear. Her whole hand encircled him then, and he thought he would not last a minute. She slowly stroked him, all the while watching his face and his reactions. He groaned as her soft hand massaged him.

She leaned down and swirled her tongue tentatively around the head of his cock.

"Oh god, yes..." He could hardly stop himself from wanting to push her head down on him.

Then she took him in her mouth, the hot wetness engulfing him, all the way down, then all the way up; her free hand gently caressed his balls. Her hair tickled his thighs. He gripped the bedsheets as his hips thrust against her.

He had wanted this moment for so long, and now it was upon him. She increased her pace, and he knew there was no holding back. She felt him tensing and took him deep in her mouth.

"Oh yesssss!" He yelled her name as his cock pulsed. She swallowed quickly, and continued to gently stroke him. He shivered and his teeth chattered a bit.

"Mmmm..." she sighed. "Was that good for you?"

"Hell yeah, that was good for me."

She snuggled against him, throwing her leg over his. They rested for awhile, not talking, just enjoying holding each other. She was trying not to think of anything, but her carefully built emotional walls were in disarray. A few tears slipped out before she could stop them. He felt them on his arm.

"Hey, sweetie, what's wrong?" He turned her face toward his.

"Why all this, why now? Why when I've accepted everything... why?"

"You know why. Just admit it to yourself," he said, looking deep into her eyes.

"But I can't."

"No, you just won't. Too stubborn." He smiled at her.

"But I'm messing everything up...." she trailed off.

"What is there to mess up? So what? You're changed. I'm changed. Everyone is changed. Letting go is hard to do, but it sometimes has to be done." He began to tease her nipple again.

"Well, I don't want to let you go, not yet, anyway." She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "Forget it. I'm not thinking about it now. I'll think about it later. Just like Scarlett O'Hara."

"Mmhmm... just forget everything. Enjoy this. You know I want to please you. Tell me what you want me to do." He kissed her passionately.

"I want you to make love with me. I want to melt against you, really be ONE with you..." she whispered. "I want my perfect world." To herself, she thought, 'This is not going to be a mindless fuck. I want this, I'm doing this, because I want this passionate love. He will be mine and I will be his--even for only one night.'

He smiled. "Your wish is my command. I've wanted you so bad for weeks." It didn't take much for him to get hard again. He eased himself between her thighs, rolled a condom on, then teased her clit. Finally, she thrust against him, and he was in her, deep inside her hot wetness. She wrapped her legs around him, meeting every thrust, pulling him down to her.

"Mmmmm..." he groaned into her ear.

"Cum for me," she whispered his name.

Then, for a single instant, she felt the melting feeling--not an orgasm, but that feeling where the spirits meet and become one--and he shuddered against her, spent.

And she knew, as he lay there recovering, that when they went their separate ways and even if they never met in person again, or even if they never spoke again--she loved him. She decided she could live with that.

Several more times that night, their spirits mingled. The next day, there were no tearful goodbyes. She didn't want him to see her like that. She hugged him close, not wanting to leave, but knowing she must. He seemed nervous or anxious, not about returning to his real life, but sad about leaving her. Was he sad, she wondered. Was he really?

"Well, I guess we have to part for now," she said.

"Mmhmm," he replied, looking off into the distance.

"I just want you to know that this has been the best weekend of my life, and that I can never thank you enough," she said.

He smiled. "Mine too. I dread leaving you."

"I know... but we can't be together permanently." She looked down at the ring on his finger--the ring he never removed.

Holding his hands in hers, she looked him in the eyes. Were those tears she saw? Perhaps it was just the cold winter wind making his eyes water.

"When we meet again, I have but one request."

"What is that?" he asked.

She smiled shyly. "Perhaps I shouldn't ask."

"For you, I'd do anything."

"Take this off..." she twisted the ring on his finger.

He grinned. "Anything for you."

The rules of engagement certainly had changed.

She was the first to leave the parking lot. It was then that the tears fell. She wanted to turn around and go back to him, but her daughter's image floated up from her murky brain. She returned home, her secret love safe in her heart, the walls restored to their natural state, and no one ever knew.