Schizophrenic Girl

She was what broke my heart
was what made me cry
did things
things that made me hate myself
left scars I can’t erase
She would lock me in the bathroom
and throw me in cold water
She even took razors to my skin
to show me what was real
She reminded me that he didn’t love me
made me do nothing at all
She tied me to the bed
when I wanted to go
She sewed my mouth shut
when I wanted to speak
She reminded me
of the past
and said the future was dark
told me that my faith wouldn’t save me
and all I could do was die
like the poet I was.
And even now she shows me things
things that would make your lover cry
Why did she do these things?
did she hate me too?
I remember things about her
She was sadder than me
made me cry because she was so hurt
She was pretty like me
She was darker than me
She was just a little farther off the edge than me
And it seemed all she wanted to do
was push me
push me off the edge
God how she hated me then
and how I hate her now
But it’s all just self-hate
since I’ve hurt myself so bad.