Happy Faces All Around

Appalling as it seems, I can't, off the top of my head, remember having any deliriously happy moments. I remember moments I thought were happy, but then I discovered that I had either misunderstood or simply been lied to. It sort of spoiled things.

I recall watching a friend once, as she drank a milkshake. She enjoyed it immensely, only to realize when a few inches remained in the cup, that a dead insect was fouling her drink. At that point, she was completely revolted, so much so that it was quite awhile before she risked another shake. I often feel that way. When something wonderful happens, or when life is particularly easy, I look for the dead insect. Not that I mean to, I'm just like that.

Friends call me pessimistic. This was pointed out to me recently when I participated in a contest. When the second and third place winners were announced, and I wasn't one of them, I immediately assumed I was out of the running. My loyal supporters were sure this meant I'd taken first place and were already celebrating before my name was called. When my name was called, I was pleasantly surprised, but suspicious. I told myself that I shouldn't get too excited, it could be a mistake.

What caused me to have this attitude, I wonder? Are people just born with a 'wait for the other shoe to drop' mentality or is it learned? After some reflection, I think I've come to an answer. As I look back in my life, I realize that I had plenty of negative experiences. I remember a lot of them, so I'm assuming there were more, but I've forgotten some. I know that I go out of my way to avoid unpleasant experiences, who hasn't at least once. I remember becoming disillusioned about family, friends, acquaintances and the world in general. After all, I told myself, if you can't trust the people you know and love, who can you trust. Of course, the answer stares you in the mirror every morning, although I've just now tumbled to it.

You trust yourself. Happiness is within everyone's grasp, just as disappointment lies at everyone's feet. It's a personal choice. Be happy or not, the responsibility is each individual's. So while I can't really remember truly happy moments in my past, in the future I plan to step over disappointment and grab happiness with both hands. I'll stop looking for that bug in the milkshake and start remembering how good it was before I found that ridiculous creature. I'll say to myself, well it is after all only a very small bug, and leave it at that.

Overly simplistic maybe, but it signifies my determination to be a better person and have a better life. I know I probably won't be able to kick the pessimism habit completely, but I'm committed to being more positive. I'm going to be able to remember some happy events if it kills me.

There, I feel happier already.