the tale of a human unable to live

Sunday. The time when the world seems to go into an endless sleep. I am lying on the couch, covered with a blanket, as if it is the only thing that hides me from reality. Light penetrates the room, but it does not please me - it is just a pale shadow gurgling in the corners. I force myself to get up, but only to plunge into the gray haze of everyday life again. As if I am stuck in some endless corridor in which there are no windows, no turns. My life is a series of identical moments, one of which drags on into infinity. Other people are running, talking about something, laughing, breathing deeply. And me? I am standing on the edge of the abyss and looking into the abyss, plunging into an endless monologue with myself. Why? - I ask myself this question like a grain of sand disputing the sea. It seems that they are all playing at life, and I am the only one who has forgotten the script. I am a man who is doomed to live, the meaning of this word is lost to me, and soon I know only existence. How tired I am of monotony. Like a flame that is extinguished by the wind, I fade away, exhausted by the inner struggle. Sometimes, when the moon lights the streets, I go out onto the balcony. The cold air of the deserted city at night envelops the space around me. Between sighs, I feel how bitter thoughts grow that torment me, fettering me in melancholy and not giving me peace, causing headaches and mental pain. Every evening I look at the stars, which are the only light of the night and my dark thoughts, but they only sparkle indulgently, reminding me that they are distant and inaccessible.

And today, on this blurry evening, it dawns on me: “How can I change this coincidence of circumstances with my actions?” I understand that all this time I was waiting for an external miracle, but I myself did not dare to step into the unknown. I begin to realize that life is not only the bright moments that we are accustomed to; it is also the bitter taste of adversity that we overcome together. It is worth accepting, because everyone has faced something like this.

Every moment is a chance that I should not miss.

I have found a sense of some serenity in the moments that I live and participate in, as if I am ready to accept all the circumstances of life with calm, because what matters is how we perceive them, and not what they are. I no longer have thoughts about ending what gives such satisfaction and this is a valuable opportunity to live.