Abrupt Decisions

Marsha

The few days turned into a week, but it gave me time to think. My phone was sadly silent. My life was empty without him. I would pick up my phone to tell Todd all the interesting things that happened during my day, and quickly my heart would sink as I remembered I couldn’t. But, I did get to think. We had mostly talked for the time we had, so far, spent together, but we had held hands and given short kisses goodbye. I wanted more. I knew that. My stomach tightened every time I thought of it. I had to see him. I had to touch him. I had to tell him. Finally as I was closing up for the day my text alert sounded. I grabbed my phone and delight flooded through me. He texted and wanted to meet at his place. I shoved my things into my car and headed towards his apartment. I was breathing hard as I knocked on his door. I flew into his arms as the door opened and my mouth went straight to his. I heard the door slam and his hand went into my hair. He held my head to his as our tongues entwined. My fingers dug into his shoulders like I would never let go. He broke the kiss and his mouth went to my ear. “Talk to me.” We stumbled to his couch not wanting to let go of each other. We collapsed on the cushions. and I stared into his eyes.

“You belong with me,” was what he said.

“And you belong with me,” I answered. He held me to his chest. Our heart beats became one, “I love you.”

I looked up and his face was serious, but not troubled. Determined was the only way to put it. “I never want to be without you. I could hardly concentrate this week. I love you so much. You belong everywhere in my life,” he said.

“You belong everywhere in mine,” I answered. Slowly he caressed my cheek.

“Move in here,” he said.

I stopped, dumbfounded. Had he really said the words? My mouth opened and closed like a fish underwater. But, there was only one answer.

“Yes Todd.”

I got up and started pacing. We discussed a few things then. How to manage our families, and the one burning thing that we had on our mind and hadn’t realized it.

“Do you want kids?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I answered, “ Not now. Maybe not ever.”

“Me too,” he said, “I want to devote myself to you. But, everything in me belongs to you, belongs in you.” He sat down then and took my face into his palms. The look on his face was almost ferocious.

“Do you understand what I’m saying, everything in me belongs to you?”

I nodded. What were we going to do? I could give myself to him right now, but not completely. I breathed heavily. “We can do a lot without having sex,” I said, “Let’s see if we want to get married after that. I think I will. Let’s experience each other Todd.”

He captured my mouth then. He captured me. I held on and every emotion, every thought became his. My pleasure would be given by him. My love would be his alone. We didn’t have to decide about a wedding yet. All I could think about was getting to know him, all of him. We held hands and talked for hours, it seemed. I wanted him but I wanted more. Control and surrender, that’s what this would be. Everything I wanted was in reach.

“I haven’t been with a lot of men,” I said, “Sex is special.”

“Of course,” he answered. His strength showed through. He would protect me, protect us and our plans.

“I love you so much,” I said.

“ And I love you. Become my woman Marsha. Let me show you what that means,” he said.

We decided to get a place of our own. Apparently, our resolve to be together was evident to our families. They didn’t object much to us committing to each other so quickly. We needed to get to know each other, but, if we were not going to make love until our wedding night, we needed a certain amount of closeness. When we found our apartment, we had a double bed. It seemed strange at first, but, soon I realized what he had in mind. That kiss when he got home had started a fire that we couldn’t, and didn’t want, to put out. I needed to know everything about him. It wasn’t just a desire. My mind and my body cried out for him. It seemed like he felt the same way. We had lunch together as much as we could. I ached when he had to be at sea. And, we experimented with what our bodies needed. I wanted this man forever. Did he want me forever? I thought so. I needed him to. “Woman” he usually called me. We belonged together, and we were going to belong to each other. I wanted to be his. It was strange to have to fulfill myself while in this relationship, but his schedule demanded it of both of us. But, first there is when we began to explore. That’s a story in itself.

Todd

If I wasn’t as disciplined as I am Marsha would have filled my thoughts, but I couldn’t let that happen. Everything on the ship went as it was supposed to. Sexual energy can be worked off so easily, but this was not just that. From the first time I saw Marsha in the Garden Centre, I knew this woman was The Woman. I forced myself to fill my thoughts with my work as opposed to her. I had to swallow my anxiety, but I had to get back to her. The few days I had promised turned into a week, but I knew she realized that this could happen. It was excruciating all the same. I needed Marsha. Finally, the week ended and I was in the cab to my place. I texted her right away.

“Meet me at my place,” I texted rapidly. She didn’t respond, so I breathed through the tension. My heart was bursting with needing her. I arrived, paid the driver and headed to my apartment. I didn’t have long to wait before she knocked. Marsha flew into my arms and her mouth was on mine. She dug her fingers into my shoulders. It was like she needed a life preserver and I was the only thing she had to hang onto. My fingers tangled into her long, red tresses. I finally broke the kiss and whispered to her, “Talk to me.” We stumbled to the couch and fell into the soft cushions. All I could think of was absorbing her warmth and softness. As she looked into my eyes the words tumbled from my mouth, “You belong with me,”
“And you belong with me,” she answered, “I love you.” My heart melted but I was determined to be strong for her. I knew what I needed, but her anxiety before I left had me feeling protective. My next words might frighten this woman. She was so strong but she let me see so much vulnerability in her. I showed her my determination, my strength. I could be her man. I knew it.

“I never want to be without you. I could hardly concentrate this week. I love you so much. You belong everywhere in my life,”

“You belong everywhere in mine,” she answered. Slowly I caressed her hair. It was so soft. I wanted her softness surrounding me everyday, every hour. I got up and looked down at her.

“Move in here,” I said.

Her mouth moved like she didn’t know what to say, but she finally answered, “Yes Todd.”
Marsha got up and started to pace. What was she thinking? Than it all came out. We discussed how our families might react, and decided that we would deal with it. We were going to be together. But, there was one thing that we couldn’t avoid. I wanted, needed to give this woman everything. So we had to discuss one thing right now.

“Do you want kids?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” she answered, “ Not now. Maybe not ever.”

“Me too,” I said, “I want to devote myself to you. But, everything in me belongs to you, belongs in you.” I sat

“Me too,” I said, “I want to devote myself to you. But, everything in me belongs to you, belongs in you.” I sat down and captured her face in my hands. I had to be sure she understood what I wanted.

“Do you understand what I’m saying, everything in me belongs to you?”

Her breathing became heavy. Her face held a pensive, hard expression. “We can do a lot without having sex,” she said, “Let’s see if we want to get married after that. I think I will. Let’s experience each other Todd.”

The desire for her burned in me. We could do so much, yes. I could wait to make her utterly mine. What we wanted was before us, but we needed more than just the physical. Could she trust me the way I needed? My woman needed to want me, to depend on me for everything.

“I haven’t been with a lot of men,” she said, “Sex is special.”

“Of course,” I answered. I wanted this woman and our future, but that future had to be protected at all costs. I stared into her eyes, tried to show her that I was committed to her and everything that we wanted.

“I love you so much,” she said.

“ And I love you. Become my woman Marsha. Let me show you what that means,” I almost begged.

We decided to get a place of our own. I started to show her what being mine meant. I called her “Woman” in private. What we experienced, how we explored stoked the fire that started from our first kiss. When we were apart I longed for her. When we were together we feasted on each other. My future became hers.