Cool Shades

A cool pair of Ray-Bans with narry a speck
lay smugly and cool on the lake cabin's deck,
taunting old Reeboks all covered in muck.
The sneakers fought back, but without any luck.

Said Lefty to Shades, "I could crush you with ease.
But I won't if you beg me, and say pretty please."
"Hey, cool it," said Right Stuff, "and swallow your tongue,
you know he's a magnet for chicks hip and young."

"It's a wonder," thought Shades as he eyed the two sneaks,
"they don't seem to notice that each other reeks.
A mixture of fungus and urine and skunks
would smell like an orchid compared to these punks."

Said Shades as his lenses went dark with disgust,
"From toe tip to heel you've a puke worthy crust,
of beer and manure and bacon grease spatter,
but you're lacking a love life, so what does it matter?"

"Hey, shut it," snarled Lefty, "we work really hard,
at school, at McDonalds, and in the farmyard.
Maybe I'll drop on you harder than bricks..."
Then Right Stuff, eyes popping, squealed, "Check out those kicks!"

For there on the steps leading down to the lake
they espied such a sight to make any shoe quake.
Poised for a moment in casual pose,
sneaker perfection, from ties to the toes.

Chuck Taylor All Stars from Converse they were.
High-Tops in hot pink you could almost hear purr.
Lefty and Right Stuff stood frozen in awe.
Their tongues hanging slack at the beauty they saw.

Shades eyed them sidewise, then spoke with a smirk,
"They're out of your league, turds, unless they're berserk.
While they gleam and sparkle, you look like crap pies.
But there may be a way you can still catch their eyes."

"You need to clean up and get rid of your stink.
A dip in the lake would do wonders, I think.
And watching you swan dive with power and style
would surely get High-Tops to flash you a smile."

So taking the bait without stopping to think,
with aglets in nostrils they leapt in the drink.
Tumbling and bubbling they sank to the floor.
Said Shades with mock grief, "I shall smell you no more."

The High-Tops tread near, and right up to Shades' side.
Tittered, "Hi, we're the Blondies, care to go for a ride?"
So hooked on a tank top twixt warm fragrant flesh
Shades lowered his lenses and drew a deep breath.