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Printed from https://writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2316073-Your-Average-demon-life
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by Whoami Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E · Fiction · Comedy · #2316073
Eternity is hard, more so for a mediocre demon in hell.
"Kiki, correct me if I am wrong, but wasnt I supposed to be somewhere today?" asked Dalan as he was spreading jam on a slice of Rockbread one fine morning. Well not so fine, litrally everything was on fire all the time, so it was Sweltering Hot, then their wasnt a Sun , so morning or night didnt mean much, they were more of a routine ordered by the Dark Council to be followed by all beings of hell, as they helped assimilate the ever increasing Human population of into the Hellish Society. Dalan, while eating (more like grinding) his breakfast, waited for almost an hour for a response from Kiki (it took time ingesting all that stone). Kiki, formally known as Lord Kirozyrogus, Devourer of Worlds, Prince of Darkness, The Darklord of Devna, did not bother to reply. He did that sometimes, the grumpy git.
Dalan was a former mortal, who fell to hell after a life full of vices on earth ( he used to spread too much jam on everyones bread, and always forgot to water his plants). After a lottery pick, which involved standing in a line with thousands of other people for over 2 years, Dalan was was alloted Kiki as resident councillor to make living in hell a smoother transition. which meant kiki was tasked with providing lodging and food and clothing for Dalan for the next 666 years. It had been 153 years already and the both of them were rather done with each other.
After finishing his breakfast, Dalan went to his bedroom to fetch his Schedule planner which he kept by his bedstand and sought the page with his schedule for the current day. It wasnt an easy process because the planner been given to him on the day he had arrived and it contained 1453065 pages, one for each day he was supposed to spend in hell. As he found the page he sought , he was almost jolted out of his long dicorporated body. Today was his Hearing before the Light council were he was supposed to plea for a visa to heaven because he sought a long due vacation. After ironing his favorite suit and tie, dalan rushed about the house looking for all the documents he was supposed to present at the council, all his certificates of Good Citizen Awards and Best Lawn awards and such. he found a stapler in the Kiki's closet only to find it empty. He never would put in a new set of staples after his use, that spawn of the devil. After filling the stapler, he set all the certificates neatly in an order and staped them.
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