Begin Again or Not

I have so many opportunities to begin again but do I want too?
Yes, I want to begin each new day anew, again!
Yes, I want to feel the air on my skin again!
Yes, I want to write and see the sun again!
No more disagreements and discouragements, and disappointments!
Thank you.
I have been thinking, I wondered why I was stuck. I kept trying to begin again but I forgot that I have to change something. I keep wondering and waiting for validation from somewhere, someone. The problem has been I have not validated myself. My life has been so busy with taking care of, loving, expecting, working, and running. My sister use to say it all the time. Stop running. I didn't know what she meant by that and I resented her for making such a statement. To "run," means to move at a speed faster than a walk, never having both or all the feet on the ground at the same time." I can remember my life moving at such a speed from one event to the next. Everything really was a welcome distraction so that I could create a life that was different from those of my parents, from that of my Mama. The most peculiar part about it is that most of my life was about protecting and pleasing her. I never really thought about myself as the self but as the daughter, sister, mother, aunt, worker, never an independent self, a person. Now after all these years, I have to show up for that self, myself. When I realized this, I had to really try to understand what that means, to show up for myself. As I tried to process this revelation, I reflected on my life and I realized that I have shown up for everyone, except me. Now I have to learn how to do just that and I'm struggling. Why?