LOVELY

SNHL READER'S THEATER

LOVELY

Jim Binz

May 2023

CAST:

DEE : A young actress

OLI KINGSHORSES: An actress

ALDI KINGSMEN: Another actress

NARRATOR

An English outdoor garden. DEE (wearing a lovely pastel printed dress) sits on the garden wall, about 4 feet off the ground. OLI KINGSHORSES and ALDI KINGSMEN enter and sit on a Garden bench nearby. They are dressed impeccably in semi formal outfits including hats. It is a beautiful summer day.

OLI

Hello, Miss Dee.

DEE

Hi.

ALDI

Miss Dee, What are you doing?

DEE

I'm sitting on a wall.

OLI

You should come down, that's very dangerous.

DEE

Why?

OLI

You might fall!

DEE

No. I won't.

ALDI

You have to admit, she looks quite lovely sitting up there. Like she belongs there as part of the garden.

DEE

True.

OLI

Yes, very ladylike.

DEE

True.

OLI

I've always felt that being a lovely, ladylike woman is hard.

ALDI

It has always been a woman's curse that we must take extra risks to look good.

DEE

True.

OLI

Yes, tight shoes, uncomfortable clothing, things that pinch and stab and having to pose in very dangerous places.

DEE

True.

ALDI

For what? Just to look a certain lovely way.

DEE

True.

OLI

Makeup and Hair, proper sitting, standing and walking.

ALDI

All the rules of ladylike behavior.

DEE

True.

OLI

And the outrageous standards of beauty!

ALDI

It's the patriarchy. An old man's idea of loveliness and ladylike image.

DEE

True.

OLI

Yes, being feminine and lovely is a great challenge.

DEE

True.

ALDI

We sacrifice so much of ourselves to fulfill the ideal.

DEE

True.

OLI

And can we ever truly fulfill that standard?

DEE

True.

OLI

Of course, it's easier when you are young.

ALDI

When the bloom is still on the rose, so to speak.

DEE

True.

OLI

Before the petals start to fade.

ALDI

Still, as young and lovely as she looks, I think sitting on the wall is too dangerous.

OLI

Yes, but it isn't all that high.

DEE

True.

ALDI

However, the landing area is not soft.

DEE

True.

OLI

And no one ever expects to fall - the surprise is part of the danger.

DEE

True.

ALDI

Being lovely is a difficult thing.

OLI

Difficult, yes. But we all do it. Everyone of us.

ALDI

Until we can't.

OLI

Or won't.

DEE

True.

ALDI

It's quite comfortable sitting on the wrought iron bench among the lovely flowers.

OLI

Yes, comfortable. AND lovely.

ALDI

And safe. At least, as safe as one can be on a wrought iron bench in an English garden on a bright summer day.

OLI

Outdoors.

DEE

True.

OLI

Now, we might get stung by a bee or a wasp or something here.

DEE

True.

ALDI

And some plants are poisonous and can give you an itchy rash.

DEE

True.

OLI

Why, this bench might even collapse and send us hurtling to the ground.

DEE

True.

ALDI

We could be impaled by the decorative wrought iron legs.

DEE

True.

OLI

Being lovely is such a challenge.

DEE

True.

NARRATOR

They all sit for a while. Suddenly, DEE falls backward, out of sight.

DEE

Help!

ALDI

Oh my! She fell over!

OLI

Are you all right, dear?

DEE

No.

ALDI

Are you quite broken?

DEE

Yes.

OLI

I'm concerned.

ALDI

I am too. If she is quite broken, we won't likely be able to put her together again.

OLI

No matter how much we try.

DEE

Help!

ALDI

Poor girl. Another victim of the curse of loveliness.

DEE

Help.

OLI

If only we had some glue.

DEE

Help.

ALDI

I don't believe glue would help, dear. Bactine? Neosporin? Gauze?

DEE

Help.

OLI

How would we reach her? She fell over on that side.

ALDI

We could climb up the wall and jump over.

OLI

Really? We could do that?

ALDI

No, I think not.

OLI

Are you bleeding?

DEE

Yes.

ALDI

Blood. On our lovely dresses.

OLI

I think not.

ALDI

Should we call an ambulance?

OLI

Do you want an ambulance, dear?

DEE

No.

ALDI

Should we stay and keep you company? Would that make you feel better?

DEE

No.

OLI

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

DEE

Thanks.

ALDI

We wish we could do more.

DEE

Thanks.

OLI

We aren't medical, you know.

DEE

Thanks.

ALDI

We don't know the first thing about first aid.

DEE

Thanks.

OLI

In fact, we don't know beans. My father always used to say I didn't know beans about anything.

ALDI

You don't know Pork and Beans about anything.

DEE

Thanks.

ALDI

I do believe our government should tear that wall down.

OLI

Yes, they should remove all walls so that young ladies wouldn't be tempted to climb and sit on them.

ALDI

And fall to their ... uh... unloveliness.

OLI

Indeed. Of course, that would mean no buildings. No schools. No churches.

ALDI

Oh my. No doll houses, no manors. No Great Halls.

OLI

Perhaps just a ban on Garden Walls?

DEE

Hello?

ALDI

Yes, but wouldn't that detract from the loveliness of the English Garden?

OLI

Perhaps. It would certainly impact the Morning Glories.

ALDI

Yes, it certainly would.

DEE

Hello?

OLI

I do wish we knew you were all right, dear.

ALDI

Miss Dee, can you assure us that you are ok?

DEE

No.

OLI

Well, that's certainly not very lovely.

ALDI

Perhaps we misjudged her?

OLI

Perhaps.

NARRATOR

ALDI and OLI gather themselves and walk off.

Almost immediately, DEE climbs back to her spot on the wall.

DEE

Ahhh. Lovely.

NARRATOR

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the King's horses and all the King's men, couldn't put Humpty together again."

THE END