Another chaotic & violent weekend in Pdx

It's been such a chaotic & violent weekend.
Car racing, screeching tires, sometimes sounding as if the drivers shoot machine guns at each other.
The homeless, drugged-out junkies who wander the streets at night, lost in their own world of addictions,
fears, insanity. Crying out into the empty darkness, "just help me" hidden in the craziness they display.
The horrible wreck on Friday night 1 block up, was caused by a speeding driver that had to have been going 100 MPH
through the heart of downtown.

This morning's been perfectly quiet.
Not even a siren I've heard.
The peace is welcome,
my mind calms itself for a few moments and,
I relish these moments as they are too far and apart nowadays not to.
Everything I had 2 years ago I took for granted.
Peace, security, safety, law and order, common courtesy, compassion, and empathy from my fellow human beings.

Even God.

Mornings like this also remind me of my deepening sadness.
the grieving I'm experiencing
the losses I continue to experience daily.
My own inner madness.

Tears fill my eyes

A friend asked me months ago,
"Susan, do you think you'll ever be able to unsee the horrible things you've seen?"
I said, "No."

The last time she came to see me a couple of months ago her first words to me were
"You look beaten,"
I had no reply.

I've been beaten.