Breakdown

When you have a 'breakdown', this is what it feels like:

Everything you believe about yourself and who you are shatters and you can no longer hold onto an 'image' or 'idea' of who you are in any form.

More and more of what you believe in as being truly meaningful about life, gets broken down piece by piece, until life feels insignificant, and pointless.

Its like drowning in a pool of nothingness that no-one else can see.

Everything that is 'breaking down' in you, is the illusions and conditioning of ideas and beliefs about the world and who you are, that we have programmed into us since birth.

So of course, everything you thought you ever knew, getting ripped out from under you, is terrifying and 'breaks' you. Its supossed to. You need to become a blank slate again. Need to be reborn and see the world with fresh eyes.

And in this period you scarily realise, 'There is no actual point to life except existence itself...'

Everything else happening is just interpretations, stories and concepts that we add on to lifes events.

When I first came to this realisation, it was horrible. So depressing, like what the fuck is the point of being alive then? And so I allowed myself to experience this depression energy to its fullest extent.

And eventually, only time and allowing yourself to break and sink will generate a process for a new perspective...

That liberation that can be discovered within this also...

For now, there is no 'truth', there is no 'rules'. There is no 'right' way or 'wrong' way to live life.

There is only existence and experiances and the journey itself of each of our individual stories.

Just life being a possible experiable thing in all of its ways, IS the purpose.

Freedom...


© Cosmic Junkie