3/4/18 : Angel #888

Today, I applied for a home care job. Not your average babysitting gig, but a responsibility shift. I applied to care for a 24 year old special needs client. I applied to take care of a 24 year old human. His Grandmother would be part of the care package, but for 10 dollars an hour, I applied to watch a soul be held in captivity by a body which has betrayed him. A glitch in the human matrix; or is it?
Commonly, I hear "Everything happens for a reason." Most people say this, some truly believe it. I know it's a fact. I know it is, because I know where we come from.

Not the kind of knowing that is pompous or arrogant. The kind that's inherent; instilled. The kind of knowing that is validated by years of research, experience and summary. I know where we come from, because I am supposed to share it with the world from my unique point of view.

Angel number 888 reflects on the law of cause and effect: whichever we choose will come back to us around the bend. That's how they talk to us, through subtle messages. A peice of hair that feels like it can't be wiped from your face. Repeating numbers. A song that strikes up one specific memory. From our perspective, it's creepy. The unknown. From their perspective, we are the special ones. We're the ones being taken care of. We are the fragile, innocent, and vulnerable. Humans are a gift to the rest of the universe.

Sounds messed up, right?

Anyways, my gut was nagging me before the interview for this home care job. My husband and 4 year old son in tow, I felt queasy, nausiated, car sick. I am 2 months pregnant, but it didn't feel like the nausea was from the little seed that hangs upside down in my belly like a bat. It felt like it was from my client, Erick. He is epileptic, if you can call it that. He survives on anti-seizure medication. Was I empathically picking up what his body feels like.

We arrived 15 minutes early, rang the doorbell like a normal, American family.
Smiles abound, gentle and warm. Introductions and pleasantries. It's not a regular situation, but this family is looking for someone reliable. That's what it looks like on the surface, at least.

After the hour we excused ourselves and continued trying to be nice, but I knew before I went in there that this is not the situation for me to put myself or my son in (I would have to bring him with me on occasion due to my husbands on-call work schedule." And while the compensation seems fair, I'm still wondering, "Why aren't they utilizing the state, or a CNA, or some kind of regulated agency?" Why go through a generic website like Sitter.com?

Somethings off. "Nobody has seen him concious." The mother said. She had a hard time looking me in the eye, which means she's taking something to cope as well. This situation has obviously taken a toll on the family. But the daughter seems resiliant. Most youth is, they have to be. She lives at home still.

So that's it. Once my gut says something, I can't let it go. My gut says no. I wonder why, though.