My realization's

So I'm sitting on my couch for the night. Right before I go to bed and I put on my head phones, I play some relaxing sounds to get away from the world for just a minute. Many people don't believe that a twenty year old whether female or male, can have a stressful life. Especially for male's, at least I imagine anyway. My name is Tylor and I'm a twenty year old from a small farm village in Ohio. I wasn't raised here, so I'm different compared to my native village folk. I was raised in a beautiful outskirt in North Carolina. I guess you could say I picked up on the idea of having a Carolina soul. I was about four years old when my parents decided to pack our stuff and leave, my dad said that God told him to go there. I didn't bring it to much thought at the time, but I do know that we got a house only three days after he left house hunting. Well anyway the house was beautiful, it was a two story, with only an acre of green grass. Only here it seemed the grass was greener on all sides of the fence. The dirt wasn't like any other dirt that I had been used to, I had never seen so much clay before in my life. God must have been the one to bring all these blessings to my dad. After all the well water out of that tap was the best water I had ever tasted in my life.
Well after some years had gone by, my parents had went through a divorce. My mom had left back for Ohio, my dad stayed to try and keep the house. After a year of the divorce my dad had already found his soon to be next wife and they would eventually get married only a short while after her arrival. She had three kids and they were all boys, they had a certain proud demeanor about them. So being at the young age of only nine, I grew up to call those three boys my brothers. Brother's we were too, we'd fight and break things, only thing unfortunate was that we had to share room's being there was so many of us. So we'd pick our favorite brother for the day and we'd go hang out with them. A couple short years later we moved away from our home in North Carolina and settled in West Virginia there. A short three years later we moved from that old hill side holler, we had finally moved back to a place in Ohio. My poor dad and my settled in step mother, after getting the hang of me, couldn't find the mean's to make things work any longer and both said there goodbyes. At this time I'm about sixteen and trying to fit in with a crowd I barely knew. Found a spot in with the older kids, only there's no glory in hanging out with older kids like I thought. I'd hoped that by hanging out with the "cool kids" in and out of school would make me one of them. I joined the wrestling team there and lead a plain teenager's life. Now every school has an orientation to get the kids settled in on there classrooms and get to know there teacher's and such. However I wasn't interested in any of that, after all I could figure that out my first day of school.
After orientation, a few of my family members and I had went down the street to the park. Beautiful summer day let me tell you, a basketball and few practice shots I was feeling great. Little did I know that the girl I saw walking with the stranger, would have me on my tippy toes through out the rest of my high school career. Her name was khaily, and as soon as I laid eyes on her something went click inside me. I remember my first day of school, I was late for my home ec. class and I ran and in the doorway, in front of a bunch of people I don't know and released a big gasp of air. It must've been funny because the entire class laughed at me. So I found my seat and to my surprise I'm sitting only a table away from this beautiful girl, but at the moment I wasn't focused on her just yet, no, I had other things on my mind like finding some other inmates to help me survive this prison. I found a buddy to my right, his name was Darren, he was a little on the heavy side but I didn't mind. After all my best friend that I had left in West Virginia was a little on the heavy side. So after connecting with a few good people and the day is done. I go to my bus and I find a seat only to find that the same girl is sitting across the row behind mine.
After a few months her and her boyfriend realized that they weren't gonna guess anymore and went there separate way's. By now I had gotten close to khaily as a friend, soon after I became addicted to her being around. I finally told her one day how she felt about me, she didn't know that I was such a mind reader at the time. So we began our turn together and when I kissed her I felt so alive. However in this time of my life I had never messed up or made any kind of mistakes like I did at this point in my life. I mean as much as I was in love with this girl, I didn't know how to show her that I loved her. I was heart broken after I couldn't make her stay, I also didn't want to learn my lesson that if you love someone, truly... you have to let them go. It's only fair, I knew it, I just couldn't accept it. So I dated around and found plenty of good girls to spend a lifetime with. I didn't want them though, not like I wanted her. I couldn't get my mind off her, so this went on for four years and her ghost began to haunt me as the song goes. Now as far as them other girls, I had treated them in a shameful way, I never hit them, but I did break there hearts. I was toxic for my own well being, I'm only sad to say that it took me four long years to realize that you can't make someone love you, no matter how much you love them.
Now in the next year of my breakup, I'm going through the motions. Not really anticipating anything good or anything, just doing my regular routine. So I'm at practice and I only lived about a mile down the way from the school. So walking was always a favorite substitute for riding the bus. Now I'm on my way home and at our local roller hut there's a lot of car in the parking lot. Now I had been a regular at this place so I know the days it should be busy and the days that it's not. Well this day was an off day to be busy, so out of sheer curiosity I walk toward the roller hut. I see a friend of mine and ask "what's going on?" so he tells me that this church rented out the building and they're doing a food drive. So you bring food and put it in a bin and you get to skate for free. Well shoot, I'm thinking that's a steal of a deal. Well I don't have any food to give, but with a good friend that I had at that point he says "No worry's dude, I got you" and hands me a can that he brought. So I go in there and lo and behold there's a bunch of people in there talking about Jesus.
Now I have always remembered the story of how my dad got the house in North Carolina. I was also raised in a Pentecostal church, but this church...this church was different. They were all so excited to tell everybody about Jesus and what he did. Well I was over here telling everybody that I already know him. Yep, and I was even trying to promote myself, telling them that I can play the guitar and the piano and you know, I can sing, etc. Well they didn't really care for my talents much but the point of there story was to know where my heart is at. Is it focused on Jesus or on promoting myself for my glory. Well I found out where my heart was at alright. After the roller hut I ended up attending this church about a month after. My aunt had called me from North Carolina and says "I'm coming down to go to this church, have you heard of them?" To my surprise it was the same church that I had met a month before. So I tell her that I had met them and thought it strange that she even knew of them. Surely it couldn't just be coincidence right? Well we go, my aunt and I, and as soon as I walk in it's a gym floor with a crowd around a stage with almost everyone with there hands up. I mean the atmosphere was shifted, the people were going a hundred percent. Growing up, you were very brave for lifting up your hand's in church. Even a Pentecostal church didn't have that many people with there hands raised. So me, I'm just thinking this is awesome, I don't have to be ashamed of liking Jesus or even embarrassed to even say his name. No, here I could embrace him as my Kind, my Lord, and my Savior. So I can say that this church really got my mind off of khaily and really focused on God. However the moment I "got saved" and born again, I didn't realize that I would be pulled into an all out war.