Dear Me

Dear Me,

         I found the letter that you wrote two years ago when I was cleaning up my desk today and I have to tell you about this feeling of nostalgia it blanketed me in. You were crossing the oceans with your "sea legs" back then, careless and free, not having a single thought about how life will go downhill only few months after. Before I trip you down the memory lane and make your heart sink in the endless sea of personal failures just by mentioning these unfortunate events to you, you must be able to understand that there are some positive things you probably can't see at this point but deep down inside you can't deny their existence.

         Same like you, I've been detached from the rest of the world last year because I have this tendency to feel everything the other half of me feels at the moment. At the end of the day we are the same person, mimicking each other for amusement, but I'm also the positive side of you, the angel on your right shoulder who beats the devil on a daily basis. He always comes back with his foolish thoughts that supposed to lower your self-esteem and have you stuck in the past but you must admit that I've been doing good job focusing you on the future despite his fallacious whispers because, if you look at yourself now, you can see your steps facing forward, you are moving forward. You achieved quite a lot since the last time we spoke.

         Who could tell you'll be able to go to college and probably become successful in the field you study? I know you've been a little bit of introvert, not all people you come across makes you feel comfortable to be around with even though they seem perfectly fine, but you have to admit that studying human resources and management helps you a lot with understanding human psyche and differences all of us carry within. Do you remember early 00's when you finished highschool and wanted to go to college but you didn't have enough money for such venture? And when every single friend of yours went to study economy, medicine or some other fancy profession and you had to work as a waitress in the nearest restaurant to help increase monthly income in your household and to help your sister with school because jobs your parents had weren't enough to lead decent life? It maybe took you too long but you are finally achieving one of your dreams, you are finally reaching the same level your fancy friends are on and they can't look at you as someone who is less educated than them anymore. Even though you never judged people by the level of education they have, you know discomfort every time you have to fill up personal information on job applications and when these papers scream It is 21st century. You can't finish highschool and hope for office jobs and great salary! I know first few months are hard on you, because you have to adjust your brain to studying mood, but you are doing great so far, your professors are satisfied with your work so all you have to do is to keep this tempo. I see better days are coming very soon and job you always wanted isn't just a fantasy anymore. Hopefully, at the end of 2018 it will become reality. Your reality. School somehow takes away all creativity and effort you are trying to put into your onsite writing though but, at the end, sacrifice is worth it and reward is awesome. You know you can't do all things at once, there is always something that has higher priority, so don't rip off your clothes because you won't find Super(wo)man suit underneath. Instead, take one thing at the time and reach its end without getting overwhelmed by all responsibilities each of these things carry with themselves.

         This brings me to the point where I have to mention your creative writing plans. You sketched so many of those only to have them locked inside your head because you could never decide whether you want to go with it or not. They are now laying in your head like the pile of autumn foliage that will eventually dry off. I guess one thing you need to learn in the future is to be able to make decisions, any decisions. I know the battle between poetry and novel that is happening inside of you. I also know how confused you are about your writing style. It seems that you still didn't find yourself, you didn't find your own unique voice because you're passionate about too many things in life and all of them influence your writing, creating variegated mess. You can't let things to float around forever like the ashes in Silent Hill1 because there's no escape from that. You have to do something or don't do anything because being stuck in the middle while the life is passing by won't bring you anywhere. One day you'll wake up and take a look at your life only to see all missed opportunities that you could take advantage of but didn't, so just don't let this moment happens. Sit down with yourself and your notebook where you outlined few writing ideas and work on improving those daily. Start feeding your current passion by reading and researching without changing the course or getting distracted by something else equally exciting. The other day you read great offsite blog about Scrivener software that made you consider buying it. If you think it will help you with your serious writing plans then you should try its features. Still, keep in mind that no software ever can help finding cure for your laziness when you start to overthink novel plans but, on the other note, it can help you to organize these thoughts so that they don't look too overwhelming and shattered. One day everything will fall into right places and your breathing will slow down to the point where you'll feel nothing but satisfaction.

         You learned quite a lot from the members of this writing community—your English improved, your writing improved—enough to take the writing journey in the long run. I know it's not enough to have few friends who support whatever you write, who tell you your writing have hiccups but isn't boring at all, but it is enough at this point because you know you gained small audience. It is such a wonderful feeling to know someone is being able to embrace the creative you. It means you have some potential and you aren't a complete waste. To achieve bigger writing goals you understand that you need to stop playing around and focus on that big picture you have—publishing something worth of reading. Don't let small talks and distractions get you off of this road. 2018 should be a year of new beginnings, a year that you can look back to and say 2018 was a year when I took control over my life and when my journey started. Take a look at your future from different perspective, the one where you see yourself successful in both fields—writing and education oriented—and you will see that some dreams are worth of dreaming.

Much love and respect,

Me.
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Word Count: 1259
Written for: "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"  2018

Footnotes
1  Silent Hill is a foggy world where one can easily be lost if enters and where the ashes is falling like snow constantly. It is also known for demonic presence. More about it here: http://silenthill.wikia.com/wiki/Fog_World