How to love and how to be lost

I was melting like ice in the summer heat. She has the presence to make my heart jump with a simple hello. I whisper in her ear that she looks stunning this evening as if she hasn't already heard that from me a million times. I want to hold her hand to feel her warmth and to keep her near but alas I am still only a friend in her eyes, for now. The night rolls on and we share laughs with our group of friends and I can't seem to keep my eyes off of her. I realize how desperate I may look to her, but at least I am something in her eyes.

The night progresses and we hop bar to bar. I relax and enjoy a few good laughs and stories with some of my friends and begin to lose track of time, and her. The night is coming to a close and I don't see her in the distance, most of our friends are here, but my kryptonite is no where near. I make up an excuse that I forgot my keys at a different bar, so I can get away and try to find her. I want to see her one more time before I lay for rest so I can try and dream of her. It's too late, I used my one excuse but no success. My friends tell me that my keys, which are already sitting in my pocket, will turn up tomorrow. They see defeat on my face because I lost my keys, but I feel defeat in myself that i lost my brown eyed beauty.

It begins to start sprinkling outside which brings cool air. As I brace myself for the cutting chill of each raindrop, my wrist is grabbed. There she is, in all her beauty and mystique. She signals me to bring my head closer so she can whisper in my ear, "you weren't leaving without me, were you?" Those words flowed out of her mouth and spread like electricity surging throughout my body. Out of the grace of God, I pulled myself together and was able to smile at her, even though my head was in the clouds. It's raining it's pouring, all I'm picturing is waking up next to her in the morning. I slip back into conscientiousness because i misstep into a pot hole. A friend laughs and questions how much I've had to drink, to which i just reply with a smile. Like something out of a storybook, my beauty says she is little worried and that she will take me home and make sure I am alright. All of a sudden I become as sober as a nun due to my heart rate doubling after she finished her sentence. Nerves take over and we stray from the pack.

We enjoy small talk for a few blocks as I questioned where she was most of the night. Subtly she lets me know she's on to my intentions as she believed no one would have noticed her absence. I save face by saying one of our friends bought drinks and that there was one left over after we all took one. The conversation became dangerous like embers of a fire, with each question she is stoking the embers trying to see if I will ignite the fire by confessing my feelings for her. She accepts my answer, but we both know it's a lie. We make our way my front door and I try to thank her for taking care of me, but she doesn't run off right away. She is curious of what my room looks like.

I am confused and mortified because I am not spick and span. I panic trying to think of excuses to why my room looks like Germany after World War 2, but all that vanishes as I am just staring at her, and she at me. Her eyes leveled me, and caught my breath. I have this immense urge to caress her cheek and kiss her like a soldier kisses his or her lover before heading to war. An airplane could have crashed behind her and I wouldn't have a clue, I was shackled by her embrace. Some dreams never come true, and some love doesn't hit the target but I felt something in her eyes that made me feel like we were meant for each other. She leaned towards me and I quickly covered the last 80% of the way. I rushed and caught her by surprise, but with how authentic it was, it made our kiss that much more meaningful. Her lips were full, and intoxicating. She was sweet like candy and I am longing for another taste. She presses her hand on my chest and is taken by surprised by how hard my heart is beating. There was no lightning that night but my heart was an loud as thunder. She grabs my hand and we race up stairs to my bedroom where we began to embrace one another with no end in sight.

I was at a loss of words, I was too busy trying to satisfying every need, that I had barely realized what was going on or what time it was. Things started to move in slow motion as if nothing else in the world mattered. As each primary article of clothing fell off, there was more heat shared between us. I never had the courage to take everything off of her because I never wanted to pressure her into anything that she didn't want to do, I was more than happy with what was already occurring. Combined their are only a 3 pieces of clothing left on our bodies. Time begins flying by us. The first words spoken in an hour are by her. "my clothes aren't going to take themselves off." I didn't have enough time to calculate a response. I let out a soft laugh and couldn't help but grin from ear to ear. This was the moment that let me surrender everything I felt for her. She was my perfect woman. She was my angel that rescued me from the depths of hell. There wasn't a single kiss that would let her know how much she truly meant to me, but that didn't stop me from trying to see which one would.

The rest of out clothes fell off in moments and we shared our most intimate versions of ourselves that night. It was poetic and rhythmic. As we slowly came to an end, I remember looking at her and slowly dropping down to find that kiss that would let her know how much she meant to me. I recoiled and for a split second I thought she was mine. I saw her eyes and I knew I wanted to wake up to them every morning for the next 50 years if she'd let me. We were going to date and share so many great memories,traveling the world and growing in our professions. I was going to write her notes and hide them in places around our house so she could find them and know I was thinking of her. In that split second I saw my future, and in the next moments after I saw my future crash and burn. She began to cry, and these were not tears of joy. She said she was carried away in the moment and didn't mean for this to happen. I felt terrible. Each word she spoke felt like molten lead sprinkling on my skin. I cared for her so much that I said I would leave her alone forever if that would help. I was speaking nonsense, but I only wanted to help. Once I calmed her down and told her everything will be alright we began to get our clothes on. No other words were spoken from the moment from when we left my bedroom door to when we starting walking down her driveway. I hope she breaks the ice, but as we approach the front door, there seems no chance of that happening. I didn't know what to say, so i left her with this, "I may regret somethings tonight, but I will not regret out first kiss or our last. If our last kiss was tonight I will still die a happy man. I was able to kiss the girl of my dreams, who gets to say that? Now if you don't mind, I'll be seeing you in about 20 minutes. Goodnight"