Lost in the moment

I've got some confessions to make
It's been too long trying to get this shit off my plate
Some things you just wouldn't understand
Like after 14 years being the product of a man who left me in peices
And trying to tell a mom who refused to believe it
At 13 years old I felt cheated
And where were you dad? There was nobody else
I was all by myself
Now that I have a wife, I'm so embarrassed
When we touch I have flashbacks it's an impairment
Many doctors have called it PTSD
I simply call it the empty shell outside of me
I don't know who I am, or who I am supposed to be
I continue to try but there's no end in sight for me
Could this be the end? Nightmares never end for free
And this decision it's the toughest part
That's why I make it but make it with a heavy heart
Please God don't think I don't care
When I cried out for help there wasn't anybody there
I had tried for so long to tell you
But I knew that the hurt lay the most within the truth
I knew your limitations on what you could handle
I'm supposed to be your partner but I'm running on gravel
I can't get my footing and I continue stumble
This was my decision but I'm not so humbled
Please don't forget everything you were taught
Just keep going and don't you ever fucking stop
You're the smartest person that I have ever met
And while everyone else gambles you have my bet
That you're gonna beat this thing called life
Keep that happy attitude and take it in stride
I can't stop you now that's the important part
Now please love, know you'll always have my heart