Life

In the darkness I am thinking. Thinking about why. Why I should continue to be a good person when all that gives me is hope. Hope that continues to be shattered with every breath I take. I hoped to find my true love and get married. I got that then got shit on by having opposite schedules. I try to do good for others and get repaid with nothing. I live in a place where we can't even have a proper work a/c unit and summer is about to begin. I don't dare call the office because my husband needs to get his sleep before work at night. I try to be there for my friends and family, but most will never be there for me. I don't understand why no matter what I do good or bad, I'm stuck in this place that seems never ending. I want to be happy with my life, but I look around me and all I see is hate for others, bullying, and denial. At times it feels like I can't breathe because everything is always crashing down around me. Every time I have hope, it disappoints me.I try to continue to be the woman I was raised to be, yet even with that, it's impossible not to notice that the world just wants to shit on my head every chance it gets. I'm forced to renew the lease in an apartment that I can't even walk to the mailbox without fear. I can't move because anything in our price range is just as bad or worse. I just feel like I'm stuck and there's no way out. Is it too much to just ask for happiness and for the world to not be so filled with hatred? I just can't see why all this is happening. I fail to comprehend why people have to hate each other, but mostly, I fail to see how such bad things happen to people who devote their lives to helping others. Nothing really makes sense to me anymore. I still try to see the good in every person I meet, but that's just getting harder and harder to do. I just don't know how worth it being me is anymore.