FEAR & TO BE ME

FEAR & TO BE ME

I was born by sin and into sin was I born, but above all I was born in fear and I was raised in fear and more fear was used to forge me into the man that I have become. But when I became a man I started becoming fearless as I saw the world from a different view and from a dreamers eyes, green and filled with amazement, so I decided not to be afraid but they said I was rebellious and rude, my friends said I was stubborn and disrespectful, but all I was doing was trying to see life from a place of ultimate possibilities and endless opportunities.
my fearless gave me only one ultimate gift- which is power, power to stand and speak power to be the architect of my dreams and forge my own future, but above all power to reshape the man within me, my dreams had the potential to rearrange and bring in a new glory to the man within, my passion had the power to bring strength back to the soul of this feeble dreamer but before any of these could come to light i must first overcome the ultimate fear in me, 'the fear of being alone' because people misunderstand bravery for pride and zeal for rebellion, it's funny how much they want you to be successful but still live under the rules of fear. And yes I could have been more but I had to give in, I had to conform to the endless rules that constantly drove me insane and the accusing fingers from people I used to have hope in, and yes even if I trust no one anymore, I have lost myself to fear its self, especially the fear of being alone.
The fear of the unknown the fear of life and death the fear of having and not having enough and not having at all, the fact that I am going to die someday is one reason enough to stand up and make a change, be fearless, yes but then I keep exchanging air with people that hold their very existence to fear of the unknown, I breath out bravery and breath in fear.

Do you know what it takes to be me? I don't think you do, to be me you will have to be very emotional and sensitive to peoples hurts, you will have to pray for the very people that point accusing fingers at you and gossip you like you are a common criminal, to be me you have to show love to those that constantly think you are on the wrong and smile while you are hurting on the inside, to be me you will have to carry your burden alone and have no one to share it with because everyone around you has a funny perception of you, you have to talk to yourself more times than you talk to those around you and advice yourself, motivate yourself to become more by yourself and pray that somehow help shows up from above you, you have to learn to cry deep within you, knowing that the same people that accuse you of being a liar have been lying to you all your life and now that the truths are coming up to the surface life as you know it has taken a different turn for you, a twist that looks really complicated and confusing almost hard to understand. To be me, when you speak your opinion does not matter and your presence feels like pretense and whatever you do looks shady.
To wish you had a reasonable lady to call your own, someone to talk to and someone that cares to listen, a person that believes in taking the risk of life with faith believing that only good can come out of it. A person that prays and plays and relates with your heart like the day will be her last with you. A careless lover, loving out of control with a passion that can stir up the ocean, knowing how powerful she is in your life and yet humble in spirit and submissive in action,
To be me you have to pray where you do not find truth and sing where there is no rhythm, to be me you have to speak in silence and hope that they pull their Vail of judgement sideways a little so they can hear your truths.
But nobody listens nowadays because everyone is buried deep in their shell of self-righteousness and ego.
To be me you will have to pray for miracles and keep praying even when they are no miracles around.


By Abraham Musa