Drastic Measures #3: Questions Answered

The overall response to my articles has been favorable. I am thankful for that. Tim and I do live a rather different life. Cindy was raised differently than most girls. I am writing this article to answer a few questions and explain some things.
Let me begin by saying the article is not about discipline. This is only one of many parts of our relationship. One which has brought us closer together and brought order into our household.

Tim and I both came from old fashioned conservative households. Our parents were stricter than most. Rather than hate this we just waited and did our own thing when we got married. We soon found out that when we patterned our life after the rest of the world we invited the same problems. Problems we never had growing up.

My feminist views were an illusion. When was I free? When I worked for an employer at their speed, trying to meet their quota only to have what little money I made eaten up by a babysitter? Arive when they say. Leave when they say. Go on break when they say. Come off break when they say. Having my daughter alienated from me and growing closer to the babysitter. My world was a job where I was controlled and every aspct of my day watched. The good work was seldom recognized. The mistakes were pointed out real fast.

Or could my freedom be now? I only need make sure I am awake to make Tim's lunch and see him off to work. Then take Cindy to school. I have all day to do the dishes, one load of daily laundry and clean the house. I deep clean one room each day and general clean all others. It keeps me on top of household chores easily. My only later concern is to make sure Cindy has something to eat when I bring her home and Tim has supper ready when he gets home. Helping with homework and preparing supper is mother and daughter time.

I don't worry about bills. I don't have to answer any questions should a bill collector call. I merely tell them they have to call back when Tim is home. I don't know or worry about how much money is in the bank or who is paid or how. He shows me how much we have if I ask but the truth is I don't care. We have a great life. He takes the stress. He worries about things I need not be concerned about. To think I am so high and mighty I have to know everything is merely vanity and pride.

Like many women today, I really didn't know how easy we have it. I don't carry buckets of water to wash the clothes or dishes. I don't have to carry in fire wood or warm water in a kettle to bath Cindy, Tim and I. I don't have to cook with a wood stove like my great grandmother did. Neither do I have to hang laundry on a wash line to dry, unless I choose to. That's why I was so embarrassed when I considered how easy I had it compared to my mother, grand mother and great grand mother. It shamed me. I was spoiled and complaining about equal treatment.

Many women today really don't even know that the old fashioned lifestyle was Biblical and stemmed from far deeper things than how we women feel. For example, lets take the issues of marriage and equality from the Bible. Our husbands are a type and shadow of Jesus Christ and we as wives are a type and shadow of his bride the church. He watches to see what we think, what we believe and how we live. Does it manifest Christ and his church or our own self centered concerns? The Bible says women should be in subjection unto their husbands in all things as the church should be unto Christ. He is the Head and Husband of his bride. He has all say and it does plainly say that chastening of the Lord is grievous and all whom he loves he chastens. Hense, Tim is my head and husband. He chastens me and is willing to supply for, provide for and protect me. The least I can do is submit as the Bible says.

Another issue is equality in the Bible. Many have never been told that under the law the sacrifice or cleansing atonement was half for a woman as it was for man. The father and husband had the right to annul any vow their daughter or wife made or allow it to stand. Vashti lost her position as queen for refusing to obey her husband the king. Even in the new testament church it is written that women should be in subjection unto their husbands.

One seldom taught was that Jesus had to come into this world as a man or male to die for our sins. Under the law a female sheep could only be used as a sin offering for common people. Not kings, captains or priests. If Jesus came into this world as a woman he could not have made the atonement for Kings, Presidents, Congressmen, Senators, police officers, soldiers or others in a position of authority. This was a real eye opener for me when I saw it.

Wedding vows used to always have the word "obey" in them. Many women have the preacher use other vows or remove it. I was taught that Jesus said my "kingdom" is not of this world. Not his republic or democracy. When Tim and I renewed our vows at our ten year annversary I made sure the preacher used the word "obey " in our vows. I had it removed the first time. I gladly repeated it.

How many of us have been raised believing that we have equall rights backed by the Constitution? I was shocked to find out how wrong I was taught both in school and in church. This wrong teaching led to a mindset that would later enslave me to living in a world which robbed me of my daughter and bound me to a time clock. When I found out that the Constitution only gave me the right to vote and not equal rights I was shocked. My equal rights are only given at a state level. Not federal. Not in, or amended in, the Constitution. We women could lose those rights at any time.

Lastly men and women have a different nature. Men have a supply and protect nature and we have a mothering nurture nature. Men have a masculine nature and we have a feminine nature. Even the Bible says some do things against nature and corrupt themselves. Sadly that was me. Trying to live according to man's nature while ignoring my own nature. I guess, in a sense, I may have been like a transsexual. Feeling like I had to be equal to my husband while in a woman's body. That's why I love wearing dresses. I know both men and women wore robes in Biblical times. The veil was the woman's garment. A type and shadow of being covered by the Spirit of God. Still in all, here tradition was for men to wear pants and women to wear dresses or skirts. I would rather honor God and my husband by dressing according to tradition with my nature.

This brings us to discipline. Just as Christ disciplines his church I expect Tim to discipline me. He chastens the church as written in love for our good. Not his. Tim chastens me out of love for my good, not his. As a Christian I would rather be told I was wrong and disciplined by the Lord than sent to hell for living a lie. As a wife I would rather have Tim tell me when I am wrong or disobedient and discipline me than get a divorce or end up in hell for not living according to the outline given in the Bible. I would rather we both please each other and do our part as we should than have arguments arise over me trying to be equal or rebel against my wifely duties.

For the couple who have asked about spankings I will just touch on it. They are humiliating and hurt. Yes, I cry and they are a great way of making a lasting impression on my mind not to rebel or slip up again. If you recall it was I who made sure that Tim did this. Make sure we went back to the old ways in all areas. My mother, grand mother and great grandmother all were put over their husband's knees at times and reminded who was head of the household.
Spanking is only degrading if we allow it to be. It's really pride and a desire to be equal that makes it anger us. When we find we can accept it as part of our station in life it's humiliating but not as angering. Just as I thank Jesus when he chastens me and a sermon steps on my toes I thank Tim for spanking me. It's a blessing in disguise when viewed from the proper mindset.

It's not like this happens often. It's not some perverted thing the Devil does with some. It's showing who is in control and who must submit to that control. The proper headship in a household is Christ first, the husband second, the wife third and the children under the mother and father. It shows that the man is not effeminate and catering to his wife as Adam did. Tim has only spanked me maybe one hundred to a hundred and fifty times or so. I never kept count. Most of those spankings came when I was still fighting for control and struggling to submit to what I knew and even told him I knew was right. Those sporadic rebellious times when my feminist thoughts would arise. That's not many times over ten years.

When God brings two people together they become one. This happened with Tim and I. We work together to make our house a home for us and our daughter. We aren't concerned about always having to have a good time. They come often enough just through how close we are with our daughter. We laugh and cry together. We celebrate and mourn together. He works to provide and protect and I work to give him a clean home, meals and clean clothing to wear. We both work to make sure Cindy has a home she is not embarrassed to bring friends to. A safe and healthy home where the needs of life come before pleasure. Where she knows she is loved.

This may anger some women. If so I am sorry you feel that way. I did at one time. Before I sat down and truly considered many things for myself. Not blindly follow eveyone else. Once I saw the problems and talked with Tim and he saw the same our life turned for the better. Less stress, less quarrels and less of a desire to buy everything everyone else had. It brought a unity of not only us as man and wife but a unity in a challenge to find ways to prosper spiritually and financially without being greedy. It brought a peace within. A peace which cannot be described in my feeble words. A peace one can only find when they do this themselves.

I'll continue to be the best Christian, wife and mother I can be. I'll continue to wear my dresses and submit to my husband and fight the urge to cut my hair. And, yes, I'll probably still have rebellious times and find myself over Tim's knees. But for us, that's what works. That's why we are happy. We live for our faith and each other and our daughter not caring what others think or do. That's freedom. That's being blessed beyond measure.