About life and (not) having kids.

Well... There I was just sitting in front of my laptop reading my best friend's e-mail -she lives abroad, so we write each other long e-mails- and then one paragraph caught my full attention, she said " everyday I get more convinced that having a child is not choosing to have a child, it's choosing a different way of life". Well, of course everybody knows this, Paula!!! - I said to myself - What were you thinking writing this as if it were news??? What surprised me most was that, that friend of mine, never wanted kids, though she is one of the most centered and loving parents I have ever met.

I remembered when a few years ago, my uncle came to my parent's house and we were talking about family and new generations, then my uncle brought up that women over 25 aren't on a rush to get married anymore and how if we didn't get married before 30 and have kids, we would be considered spinsters an nobody would love us. I had just broken up with my boyfriend whom I had been with for the last 7 years (I was 27 then) and I was going through a rough patch, my dad's face was red, as if he was about to beat my uncle's opinion off his face with his fists. And you know? I actually loved that moment because I could handle the situation really gracefully. With my sweetest voice I told my uncle that I hoped that what he was saying wasn't true, because I was turning 28 the next month and that only gave me 1 year and 3 months to find someone fit for me, know each other, fall in love, get married and get me pregnant. That's a lot of pressure for someone who has just got out from a (not that much, but still) abusive relationship. Then I laughed. Believe it or not, it was not uncomfortable at all. We all laughed a bit and started talking about something else.

After that I haven't been in a committed relationship, but that's another story. My point is that I am not sure if I want to have kids. I mean, I have many nephews, two godsons and I love kids! But I'm not sure if I want some of my own. Even though my family and fiends have been very supportive of my waiting decision, I can still see people being outraged because being a mother is not my number 1 wish on every shooting star.
Last week I looked at myself on the mirror, I examined my 35 year old face (that looks a bit younger, fortunately for my ego), my clothes and thinking about my lifestyle, then wondered how I would look, be and behave if I had gotten married and had kids with him.

Well... I guess I can only wonder.