Struggle

One day, what now seems to be so long ago, I woke up to find myself alone at the bottom of a very dark, tall mountain. Not only was I not sure how my life ended up in this lonely place, I was even more unsure as to how I would go about getting myself out. What had happened, and what did I do to deserve being in a place such as this? I spent what seemed to be countless days and nights at the bottom of this mountain, enclosed from every angle, and constantly wondering what was at the top. Desperation began to get the best of me and, after quite some time, I realized it was crucial that I search for the courage to make the struggle to the top. I knew my spirit would continue to slowly die if I remained where I was.

I began the climb up the side of the harsh mountain. Hand over hand, one foot at a time. Looking up, I could see the top was still not in sight, so I knew I had a long, hard journey ahead of me. I wasn't even sure if I had the self-confidence to make it all of the way to the top. It seemed the harder I climbed, the harder it became. I grew very weak. At times I had to ruthlessly fight the urge to simply give up and allow myself to tumble back to the bottom of the dark pit from where I came. After some time and perseverance, I looked up towards the sky and could see the top of the mountain was now in sight. So close, yet still so far. There was a lot of hard work to be done and patience needed if I was to make it all the way to the top. I would not allow myself to give up now. I looked down to see the cold pit of despair staring back up at me. Even though I was in immense pain where I was at the moment, I did not miss being back there.

Although my body was growing increasingly frail, the closer I got to the peak, the stronger I became. The pain within me intensified with every step, but my mind allowed me to ignore all of the pain being endured by my body and forced me to continue with my trek. It seemed the struggle would never end. At times I wondered if it would be worth it, and how in the world did I end up where I was at?

Anxious to discover what was at the top, I took my last remaining steps. Finally, I arrived at the top of the mountain, beaten, bruised and bloodied. I used what remaining bit of physical and mental energy I had left, only to collapse at the peak. After catching my breath, I was able to come to my knees. I slowly lifted my eyelids and peered over the edge of the mountain. I did not know what I would expect to find, but I did know it could not be any worse than what had been at the bottom of the other side.

What I saw was amazing. The sky was as blue as the deepest ocean and, at the bottom, was a beautiful, green valley full of sweet smelling wildflowers and budding trees. The view was astounding. I could not believe my weary eyes. A warm breeze brushed my face and suddenly a feeling of peace overwhelmed my soul. I longed to be in the valley below me, but it was such a long drop down. I was sure to acquire yet more injuries if I were to proceed with the leap, and I was unsure if my battered physical, as well as emotional body, could tolerate any additional trauma.

In my mind, it seemed safer to rest at the top of the mountain in order to replenish some of my lost strength. Perhaps, one day when I was ready, I could gather the courage to actually move forward with my life and leave behind my dark pit. I sat atop the mountain for quite some time, admiring the scene before me. I fantasized at what it must be like to live in the valley and be apart of its stunning beauty. Periodically, I would look over the edge at the long drop down. It was a big step to take, but I knew in my heart it would be worth it once I reached the bottom. I envied the life that was already present and made its home in the valley. Did I not deserve that happiness as well? Why was I not strong enough to make the jump? Would my toll up the dark side of the mountain be in vain, and where could I find the strength I needed to move forward?

As all of these thoughts and questions were swimming in my head, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Who was here with me? I had been here alone for so long. I turned my head to my side to see who it could possibly be. Before I had the chance, I felt a slight nudge. Suddenly, I was drifting through the air, hovering above the beautiful valley like a fall leaf in the wind. To my surprise, the descent down was not the treacherous journey I had once believed it would be, and I soon realized I had nothing to fear. What had given me the gentle nudge? Whoever or whatever it was, knew I was in need and loved me enough to give the encouragement and support my soul desperately needed. I had felt it.

I landed gently in the valley to find it was even more peaceful than what it had appeared from high atop the mountain. I did deserve the happiness here, and I suddenly appreciated all of the suffering I had put myself through to actually get here. There was a purpose to the pain I endured, and I would not be the same not having experienced it. I still do not know specifically where the gentle nudge came from; a guardian angel, support from friends, or my own spirit giving me courage. Possibly, a combination of all three. Whatever it was, I am eternally grateful. I now have faith that when life seems intolerable, there will always be something there that supports and loves you. It may not always be where you think it should be, but it will be there if you acknowledge and accept it. Everyone will experience struggle and turmoil throughout periods of their life. Don't be afraid to turn to the support of that love. It is there for a reason.