Spider Wars

Spider Wars

Before I tell this story, I think it is important to discuss my fear of spiders. It has been with me since I was a young child reading The Famous Five. There was a tiny part of one of the books where the children were camping and a spider scurried across Anne’s face. It terrified me and I’ve stayed that way ever since. Seriously, even tiny money spiders scare the bejeezus out of me. It’s so bad I can’t look at pictures of them, not even cartoon drawings. Nope. Scary little monsters, they send me into a quivering wreck.

Ooh, the other thing to mention is that I am not a morning person. It takes a lot of very strong coffee to lure me from my sleepy stupor.

So. One morning, after cursing the alarm clock for, once more, waking me at the right time, I clambered out of bed. I dragged myself to the bathroom, beginning to undress as I entered. I was, however, desperate for a wee. I sat down, my pyjama bottoms still around my ankles.

I felt the light tickle of my hair brushing the top of my arm. I lifted my hand to scratch and came face to face with the biggest, hairiest, black spider, with giant knees, I had ever seen. Seriously, knees! It’s like it was on stilts! Automatically, I screamed and knocked it off.

Unfortunately, on knocking it to the floor, it was still alive. A little dazed, but alive and wandering around on my floor. And my feet were on the floor! Panic took over. Instinctively, I knew my only choice was to run. So I stood and tried to take flight. However, I had forgotten about my pyjama bottoms.

Rather than run, I toppled like timber, thinking on the way down, the spider’s gona get my bare bum! I screamed some more, tried to stand, not realising my pyjamas were the mischievous imps who tripped me. I fell flat on my face again.

By this point, my scream was more of a cry of desperation. David heard, knew I was giving my “spider scream” and came to my rescue. After far too long standing in the doorway laughing, he eventually helped me up and captured the evil little animal. I was safe again.

To this day, I am super jumpy when my hair tickles my shoulders or arms. Which happens quite a lot, I have long hair. That spider has a lot to answer to.