Heart Scar

Preface
         


        I never realized how much I missed my old life, how much I had changed in such a short time. My crazy mother, strict father, and annoying little brother...I even missed them, and regretted not being a bit more grateful of the little things they did. But they were far out of reach now. I have been gone from their lives for too long now, there was no way I could go back. Now, every time I looked in the mirror, there was a stranger. I had no idea who I was anymore. I felt like I was gone. My skin seemed to be wearing out, and my eyes seemed to sink in.
 
    I felt like I had been the host for a parasite, and its been draining me. Sucking away my very being. My heart has grown cold, and has become thin. It was no longer full and thick of warmth. Like it had been drained....as empty as the night sky, and as thin as air.  It was as if it was slowly vanishing from all the pain and love.
 
    I still had no idea how it came to this. It all happened so fast I didn’t see it coming. I became too caught up and now I was here. Feeling empty...like everything I wanted and asked for....wasn’t what I really wanted....I’m still not sure in this moment of time of what a I want...I was whisked away by the unseemingly poisonous bliss. I loved him. I loved both of them. In different ways, and at different times for different reasons. But maybe it was something I was never ready for....because they were both unreachable....when I saw a chance for something new, I jumped for it. I had reached too high perhaps? But perhaps I should have stayed with him...Valentine....he had even offered something the other didn’t...a warm heart, a future, my will....and even eternal youth, but it was all at a price. But I didn’t how to respond to such an offer.

    I never believed in such witchcraft nor the supernatural....or any entity that was inhuman and because I didn’t believe I was suddenly pulled in, Maximillion showed me otherwise and look at where I was now. Withering away from loving too much or too hard. It made me sick, hateful, and maybe even selfish. They both loved me in two different ways...both were perhaps a bit poisonous...intoxicating...but they were different. Each type of love was suffocating. But along the way I had lost who I used to be and grew into a different person.  The type of person that was furthest from my mind that thought I could never become. I was being quite self righteous then.

    I lost myself, and my heart, to both of them. They each had taken a piece that I knew I would never get back. I would have to replace it with something else. A substitute. To fill those empty voids. I was now cursed with an inevitable and timeless heart scar. Damned with a purpose that I must face. It was no longer avoidable. I never knew how much it would hurt to take the place of someone you love--given if they ever loved you at all-- and becoming a soulless monster. These men, the very extraordinary men i gave pieces of my heart to, now held my fate.