Reflections of Home (a rewrite)

In July of 2013, I got the chance to go back to my home town of Gainesville, Texas.  No big deal, people go home all the time.  True, but most of them haven't been away for 32 years.  That's right, the last time I was home was 1981.  Now before you condemn me, tell me that I'm awful, or say that I have been a bad son you need to hear my story.

Due to several medical issues my doctors wouldn't allow me to travel to far from home, and flying was out of the question.  Somehow though, Christina, my wife and Heather, my oldest daughter, managed to get approval from all the doctors so I could fly.  Tickets were bought and plans were made before I was told about the trip.  I had to control my emotions and the joy I felt at that moment.  So many time I had planned to go back to Texas, only to be disappointed.  I was afraid that anything I said or did would just jinx the trip.  Chris got a little upset with me because I wasn't excited about the trip.  She understood when I told her why.

The closer the day came for our departure, Heather was going with me, the harder it was to contain my excitement.  It became harder for me to sleep.  At night my dreams were full of home, during my every waking moment my thoughts kept turning to home. 

Finally the day arrived.  It seemed impossible but now it looked like I was going home.  The night before we left I called my brother Bubby, his given name was Gary, and told him we were coming.  I hadn't wanted anyone to get their hopes up only to be disappoint again.  I gave him the flight number, gate number, and arrival time.  I told him that it would be a short two day trip and I mainly wanted to see the family.  After that he could invite anyone he wanted to. .

Then all of the bags were packed, loaded and it was time to go.  We were flying out of Baltimore, a short hour and a half drive from home.  All the way there I couldn't say a word, I was afraid that if I said anything I'd cry, I just kept looking out the window, if anyone said anything to me I just nodded.  I couldn't believe it I was really going home.  Every time I saw a sign telling how me close I was to Baltimore 10 miles, 8 miles, 6miles,  my heart would skip a beat.  By the time I saw Baltimore Airport next exit I was going into panic mode.  I felt as if my heart was going to jump right out of my chest.

When we were finally on the on the plane, and in the air it was hard to breathe.  Heather ask me several times if I was okay, I assured her I was.  I had to force myself to relax.  It seemed as if the flight took forever.  Then it was over we were in Dallas.

I was never so scared and nervous in my life not even in the jungles of Vietnam or the deserts Kuwait.  The walk to the baggage claim was the long.  I couldn't believe it in only a few minutes I would be seeing my brother.  It seemed as if they had landed us at the gate farthest from baggage claim.  With each step my legs felt more like jelly. 

Then we were at the stairs that lead to the baggage area.  Heather saw him first and had to point him out me.  My eyes filled with tears as I started down the stairs.  I was so excited that I can't remember if we hugged or just shook hands, but it didn't matter I was home. 

He had grow around the middle but not as much as I had.  Under his John Deer cap his once long brown hair was gone and turning gray as was mine.  His cap made wonder if the top of his head had thinned out like mine.  His face was weather worn from working outside all those years.  He still had that shine in his eyes, then there it was, that smile, that smile that was always there.  No matter what else about him that had changed, his smile hadn't. 

His driving scared Heather but I didn't notice as Bubby talked about changes I'd see.  Our flight was late leaving, so we landed two hours late.  So it was to dark to see anything on the way home.  It was midnight  before I could see the lights of home.  I saw all the signs that told me that at long last I was almost home.  As soon as we left the highway the changes became apparent  Dilly Dip ice cream parlor was gone, my little league baseball coach bought us ice cream there every time we won a game.

As we drove down California Street I saw that the First National Bank was gone.  At 16 I had gotten a small loan there, I took it down the Block to Gainesville National Bank and opened a saving account there.  I used it to pay back loan from First National.  Gainesville National Bank was gone also.  There were other things, too, the department stories of Duke and Aires, Kress were gone, so was the Five and Dime.  We turned onto Grand Ave. and the Dunkin Donuts on the corner was gone.  As a teenager I drove up and down that main drag.  It went from the Dilly Dip on the end of California to the Sonic Drive-In on Grand Ave, in my older sister's day it was the Y Drive-In.

I could feel my heart starting to sink and my disappointment rising.  We stopped at a fast food place that I'd never seen before.  We got something to eat then went onto Bubby's house.  As we drove out of Gainesville onto Hwy 82 I began looking for the houses that my Granddad had built, he never liked living in town.  Every time they moved the city limits sign passed his house he would move farther up the road.  There were two now and Bubby had bought back the last one.  My excitement was building again as neared the house, I saw that the little country store my Grandmother ran was still there.  Only Bubby said  it wasn't a country store anymore.  As we turned onto the old dirt road I saw it.

It was a little different, there was a carport now and another room had been added to the back.  but I began to see it through the eyes of that  little boy from a long time ago.  Entering into the kitchen I saw the cabinets my Uncle Harry had built.  I saw the wooden table where we had eaten so many meals.  There in the living room I saw the old wood burning stove that had sat in the corner all those years ago.  There was my Grandfather's rocking chair, the one no one sat in but him, the green chair was next to his.  I saw the console TV in front of the window and the green sofa against the wall.  In my mind it hadn't changed at all.

It was Friday night when arrived, now it was 2 am Saturday morning before we got to bed.  The bedroom that Bubby and I had slept in as kids was gone so the other two could be enlarged .  I gave the bed room to Heather and slept on the sofa.  Even though it was the sofa for the first time in a very long time I had the most restful sleep.  I don't know if it was because it had been a very long day, or the house, or the fact that I would see my whole family later that day.

I was up and dressed by 5:30 am, cleaned up my sofa bed and went outside.  I sat watching hummingbirds flying around and a rain coming from the west.  I hoped that it would be quick and not interfere with the afternoon.  Bubby brought out coffee, and we sat and talked about the day and watched it start to rain.

The rest of the morning was spent getting ready for the afternoon.  We were at the park by 12:15 pm, got everything ready and I waited. I was so nervous that I was like a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs, pacing around, rubbing my hands together.  Heather finally made me sit down before I fell.  My heart was pounding again, I was covered with a nervous sweat.  I was having to control my breathing.  Then I heard car doors shutting.

I stood and looked out across the grass to the parking lot, there she was, my Mom was coming towards me.  The last 32 year of wishing and hoping were about to end.  I wanted to run to her but feet were frozen, I just couldn't get my legs to move.  Her face looked tired, and the shine in her eyes had dimmed and  her steps slow.  Her long dark hair was shorter, and a lighter color, still I could see the gray.    She was no longer that young beautiful woman I had known growing up, but she was still beautiful to me.  Her voice was low and sounded weak but I could tell that her strong will was still there.  .

Finally I let her sit down and turned to my youngest sister Kelly.  We hugged each other and talked for few minutes before Dianna, the second oldest sister and Laura, the fourth sister arrived.  We were all together except for our oldest sister Janis.  Although, I wanted to see everyone, Mom and Janis were the I wanted to see most.  Several months before Janis had been sick and was taken to the hospital.

While there she was told that she had terminal cancer and she needed open heart surgery.  Since I am in remission from prostrate  cancer for four and half years and since I had also had open heart surgery.  She want me to tell her what to do.  I couldn't do that, I could tell her how it was with me..

When Janis arrived I didn't know her.  She was so thin, she had problems with her weight all her life, now I couldn't believe what I was seeing.  Her hair was solid white and she looked so weak and tired.  We hugged for some time and then we talked.  She had decided not to have heart surgery.  She wanted the time she had left on this earth to be happy.  She has excepted what is to come and is handling it as best as she can.  It was hard realizing that she would be the of our family to pass.  Mom had always said that it was it right  for a parent to have to bury one of their kids.

In 1973, when I was home on leave before Michael was born was the last time that all of us had been home together at one time.  My ex-wife took a family photo.  Now here in 2013, it was decided that we would do the same picture again.  We all got into the same positions we were in the photo.  It was a little harder for some of us to get into the same places but we did it.

The rest of the afternoon was spent seeing and talking to Aunts, Uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews.  Before we knew It was over and time to go.  The family told Heather a lot of stories about her Dad as a kid.  Then our stay was over and it was time to go home.
Bubby took us back to the airport went all the way with us to the security check in.  He stayed there and talked as long as he could.  He stayed there watching us until we disappeared into the crowd.  Just before I lost sight of him I saw that smile and a single tear run down his cheek.  We left with the promise that I would return next summer.