The Beginning

I am not sure when this all started but I suppose it had to have begun when I was about 7, my mom was dating this body builder type. He was very well sculpted and had a nice build. He was infatuated with the idea that my mom could lose all this weight and get fit with him. On the side he was dealing drugs and my mom was putting herself through nursing school, so she was gone for many hours a day and even on the weekends. Any how, while she would go to work during the day on the weekends she would leave me and my sister at home with him. He took it upon himself to wake me up by touching my little girl parts and take me into the room he shared with my mom. Now mind you that this was a time in my life when I was too young to understand that this was wrong and that I should have spoken up then versus later in life when he made a reappearance. I am jumping to far ahead though, let me get back to where I left off...

So when he would get me into the room he shared with my mother, we would get into the bed and under the blankets. At first we would only talk about life and school, but things progressed when he started walking around our house in his boxer briefs. So one morning after my mom left for work and they had said their goodbye's he came into our room and woke me up the same way he had so many times before. In the room that he shared with my mother we crawled under the blankets and talked about school and life. This time though he wanted to talk about sex. He scooted closer to me in the bed so that now my adolescent head was lying on his chest and I could here the rasp in his chest when he spoke to me. He was saying something about he noticed I was looking at his manhood and that it was ok and only natural that I be curious about the parts that he had that I didn't.

He achieved a hard-on as he told me that when he was around my age he had a neighbor lady that had this same discussion with him that he is about to have with me. She had noticed that he was looking at her when she would come out in her night gown and invited him into her home one day while her husband was at work. She told him it was natural that he be curious in her breast and her vagina and what it looked like and how it felt and Invited him to feel these things on her body for himself. She had allowed him to experiment with her body and he ultimately enjoyed what she was allowing him to do to her behind closed doors and this went on for months. As he wrestled with his now enlarged manhood under the blankets, I had no idea what his intentions were. It started with playful tickling under my arms and at my sides and then to my inner thighs.... You know that place that parents so innocently tickle their kids to get the pure giddy laugh. That's when he stopped and took my hand, He said to me that he was going to let me have the same experience that he had with the woman next door from him when he was a kid, that it taught him a lot and he wanted me to have that same knowledge as he took my hand to his erect penis and glided my hand up and down it. He said that was a penis and that it was made of cartilage, that when it gets like this it is when two people have sex. The motion he was moving my hand in was pleasurable to a man and that I was bringing him waves of pleasure with each stroke. He eventually moved his hand away from mine and encouraged me to continue with the motion, but being I was about 7 years old my attention and interest began to falter and I eventually stopped and asked if I could have some cereal now.

Though I would hear him coming into the room on the weekends in the early morning to wake me up by touching my little girl parts, it was the last time I woke up for our special "talks". That is when he began waking my little sister the same way he had done to me. When she would come back and we were alone I would ask her what they talked about and she would tell me the same things he had told me. That is when I knew what he was doing was wrong and advised her to ignore him when he would come in our room after mom would leave for work. Eventually he stopped coming in our room in the morning and trying to wake us up. It took me several years to come out with it to my mom, what it was that he was doing to me and my sister while she was at work. It was my little sister who said something first ultimately and I chimed in to confirm her story as truth because it was happening to me also. I don't know that she ever confronted him with it, I just knew that the way she had reacted was as though she did not believe that a man would be interested in her two adolescent girls. That I believe was when I began to have trust issues, my own mother was writing me off as a liar. My relationship with my sister grew stronger because we shared this burden, that moms boyfriend had molested us every Saturday morning while our mother was working to support us.

After that it was one thing after the next. I went through a range of emotions, while my mother went through one bad relationship to the next and consistently deteriorated my trust by gossiping to her friends about everything that was going on in my childhood life. I grew to know that my mother could not be told secrets because she did not know how to truly keep a secret. So you see my trust issues started with the one person I had in the world, my own blood who made me feel like there was no such thing in the world as privacy... my own mother.