Soulless Love

Soulless Love

Perface...


I thought this would be the scariest moment of my life. If it is then how can it be so peaceful? How can I feel so at ease when my life will come a abrupt hult. Death to many is the one thing they avoid, well try to. Death is a tricky beast, no one can exscape from it, well exsept those who have been consumed by its grasp and made it through hell's gates. Then there are the ones who make it through heaven's gates. Hopefully I will end up like him. Strong and good and loyal. Always by his side. Whatever happens now my life will end, my heart will stop and my blood will run cold. Now my fate rests in deaths hands. Just because I am alone. I am left alone, left by all in my own house. My house is full of all necessary to anyone's life, even of all I could want for my pleasures and luxury and personal comfort which is tens times more. But there is nobody to help me to get anything, nobody to bring me anything, nobody to help me with anything. And if I try to do all of it myself at my size then the strain and efforts will be unbearable and will kill me in a week. It would be just too much to my heart. I am 20, and I weigh much more than 700 pounds, I am short and I have weak muscles, and I am untrained and spoiled. I have been always helped with all and I need it. If I move several times aday to our kitchen and aback just for food, the efforts would overburden my heart and I'll die. I know it. If I go there once to live just there I will have my food. But then I have to make trips to my sleeping room to bathe and clean myself and it would be the same. Just efforts necessary to bathe myself and to get to my bath and out of it will kill me in a week or two. But if I have nothing to eat and drink it will kill me in several days. May be I'm so calm beacuse I have no hope? Or is it just a shock, or God's mercy to make me so calm? How it could happen with me...