For Now

So many choices pulling this way and that
Playing tug-o-war with me
Though a choice stinks like a rat
And poisons my soul with envy

I take it like I'm starving
Many thoughts of mine shame
My bitter spirit chasing and carving
I only get soaked in rain

Will the tears and sadness stop?
My head goes insane
From options that lead to a drop
And blessings that retain

The things I do, the things I say
Uncensored,often filled with rage
It's like everyday
I find myself on the same old page

New things are old, old things are new
When will I know I've got it right?
When will i get a clue?
Will I come out of the night?

A newborn, innocent child
Starting things right over
I'm an animal, captured yet wild
Someday I won't need a four-leaf-clover

But for now I'm a hideous beast
Gorging on insecurity
I am a monster when I feast
Devouring dreams, obliterating purity

I cloak my nature inside
No one can see my dark
In myself, I hide
When I'm unleashed, everything grows stark

Bloodlust in the air
All I wanted was an answer
All I wanted was some care
Even though I let no one draw closer

For now I'll find my joy
Here on this cold, hard Earth
Spending my time like a china toy
Ready to break for all I'm worth

Someday I'll be a new creature
A beautiful angel with wings
Not an ugly monster feature
I won't care about gossip and things

I know I'll pull through this
Eventually I shall fade
I won't need a prince's kiss
Or go through a charade

These dreams are all I own
The aspirations of a mortal
I can only hope I've shone
Bright enough to pass through the portal

I'm just one candle blinking out
Glass on the edge, given a shove
A branch in a storm, no longer stout
Now I'll give the rest of my love

The love I've found on my journey home
I give to those around the tougher bend
I'll fill some old, forgotten tome
For I must say The End