The World ended and thats ok

The World ended and thats ok

They say it was the Rapture, they say Norway pressed the big red button, they say that for two weeks water mutated slightly so that we couldn’t drink it (but given what historians know about the Americas access to a thing called Soda, it probably wasn’t that). Whatever it was it doesn’t matter anymore.

The commune I live in smells of cats, the cats are everywhere, hair, shit and when it gets to me on bad days, I ask why did the elder decide we should make cats and cat meat our premium export. They say the old man can remember when we had proper animals that he once rode around on a large hour legged dog thing with shit so rich and potent you could grow luscious crops. Others guess he’s an insane old coot, whom while lucid constructed a town council of men and women who would follow any one as long as they seemed half competent. So with the feline fucker it must have been a near thing.

My name is Maxime Dubois, apparently I’m from a tropical land called Canada. I am a Cat Herder, I wake up at 6 am every morning, to stand in a field of fat cats, who will wilfully ignore me at every moment as my eyes slowly go red and my nose gets more and more clogged, The doctor says I have been cursed by the Dog tripe, I pointed out Dogs have been extict for decades, he said he knows thats why there so willy nilly with the curses. I shouldn’t have expected much, he blames everything on the Dog Tribe, at our town meetings we are reminded to stay vigilante against the Dog tribe, my brother was executed for heresy when he raised his hand in one meeting and said
“Hi sorry I’m Gregory er... Cat Herder, may I please speak... Well I was chatting to Terry the trader, you know he takes our cats and gives us red blocks with the word lego on, that we’re meant to plant for crops, and He says he’s never met any Dog tribe, i was wondering if perhaps we’re using this tribe as a scapegoat instead of looking for other solutions”
The Elder then asked then who would he blame for our failed crops
“thats the thing, I don’t thing the little blocks are seeds, I think seeds are the crunchy things in berries and fruits, i tried growing them in our garden and it works much better then blocks, I have an apple tree and...”
At this point the elder cried heresy and he was sentenced to death by eating his own cursed labours till he died of starvation, Unfortunately for the elder my brother had been a little more industrious then he let on, his Orchard and farm are now doing quite well, while the lego fields lye barren. After 4 weeks of my brother still happily wondering around town and attending meetings, the elder and doctor agreed he must be a ghost and demanded every one ignore him.

I moved into his spare room on general agreement that, while I would say I own the horrible haunted house, it was my brothers really.

I have a stump I sit on while I work, whiling away the hours in a field where cats occasionally wonder about as I half arsedly pretend to herd them, my eyes are watering a little as I slump forward and prepare for a nap, relaxing I tune out the sound of a cat disengaging and drift off, my dreams are tedious, to say the least. I’m on a stump naked listening to cats disengaging, seriously tedious.
“Hello young man, Hello”
I wake up to see a man in cat lined robes and an odd lack trousers as I wake up and scratch sleep gunk out of the corners of my eyes, the man is tall and has no chin, he’s skinny like the rest of us, but he has no chin, none, his mouth and where his chin should be just seems to blend seamlessly into his neck with a small line with fuzz on. Behind him is an old man, with two women on either side of him effectively carrying him through the field, I recognise the man as the Elder, he’s wearing no trousers either, as a matter of effect none of his entourage is, which will the women might have been a fun sight if the elders decrebid spotty junk didn’t keep popping into view.
The chinless man looking up and smiling says “so you Maxime the cat herder, sorry to hear about your brother, but he’s in a better place now” I bite down on my tongue when i think of saying he’s behind his house watering plants, his place is the exact same place as before but he doesn’t have to do this stupid job, but decide against it. “Yes truely he is free from the curse of the Dogs now”, mostly for something to say, the man looks back at the elder, still being navigated by the two women and making slow progress and yep he just shat himself, or i guess without trousers marjonoly improved the fertility of the fields (praise him). He looks down and slightly to the left of my eyes, and talking to me says, “the elder has decided that he wants to take a more active role in the community and we we’re rather hopping you could tell us all about the rewarding life of a cat herder, and if your lucky you might even get some great advice from our benevolent leader, Lucky you”
When dealing with someone who gets there power second hand from a senial old fart, you have to be careful, either he knows this is a sherade to make it seem like the elder is a competent leader who cares about everyone in the community even a lowly cat herder, or he really believes the wrinkly sack (not looking) really could have something to say. I gesture around the field and say, “these are the cats, I herd them, as much as they will let me, what do you need to know”
I look behind him to the senial old fart who... yep is taking a rest one of the maidens is on all fours and he’s sat on her back the other one is running up to us, “James... James...” shouts the lady.
He rubs his eyes tiredly, and sighs, and I relax, His smile drops and he shouts back, “Yes Lindsey” He adjusts himself unthinkingly then remembers he’s not wearing any pants, and looks me directly in the eyes and shrugs his shoulders. I relax as I realise that since something has gone wrong neither of us has to be on script.
“James “ says the woman, roughly around 20ish and red haired, “sorry to bother you James” she’s a little out of breath “ our leader needed... a rest”. She smiles and waves at me, I wave back forcing myself to make eye contact. James shrugs and gestured for me to move up on my stump and he sits down, “Lindsey we still have to get round the tanneries and He’s going to perform an exorcism at the haunted house, cant you two you know hurry him up abit.
“He’s an Old Man James”
“I know but..”
“sorry” I interrupt “what a haunted house?”
James looked at me, almost like he forgot i was there and while scratching his arse possibly to dislodge a splinter said “you know the house of the dead heretic, with the mysterious garden and ghost sightings”
“oh that, thats just my dead brother”
Lindsey and James exchange a look at that and James turns to me and says, “Yes the tequnickalites of his terminal condition have been somewhat of an unexpected annoyance, which the elder has wisely offered to rectify for us”
I look back at the old man and the woman who he is no longer sitting on, because a cat scratched her arm and they were both lying in the mud, turning the duo into a rather sickening show, which i felt would only be improved with the absence of an old man. Focusing back on James on Lindsey both smiling broadly at me, James smiling so hard the corner of his left mouth was twitching slightly.