thought too much

i thought about you today. i thought about how it used to be.

i thought about how much i wanna end it right now. just fucking leave.

i cant handle the pain anymore im done with it. no more thats it. then you spoke to me. now i wanna hang on to speak
to you again. try and salvage us. and if not then i want it to be the end of us. you see. i love you i always will but
i cant hack this life without you. after all you put me through. after everything we went through. i cant make my rent
stood out drowning my sorrows. i left people behind i didnt mean to, i just lost my mind, but if your love isnt true.
then i died by you. even though i walk to my death with every step. and i walk alone on my way home. to my emety bed.
and a half emety wardrobe. i hate it. i hate coming home when i have no home to go to. YOU are my home. and you left
me homeless. i cant come home. so i walk and i run. and somebody told me. your strong you cand hold on. and i know that
i could. if i was here... but im not half of me is missing. you have the key to my soul. and im here trying to hold on.
TO THE LOVE THAT WE HELD WE MADE! i cant let it go! i wont let it go! its proberly gunnna kill me one of these days but
hell i aint got anyone to stay for. yeah people love and care about me. but you said it best.





"no one will ever love me better or more then i can"



how could you leave me alone.



no ones going to love you like i do. i die without you. 


fucking hell i dont know what to do! ONE DAY! one day too late!

its a shame about you the way you fucking kill me but hell i keep getting back up.

i wont quit i cant quit on loving you but some days i dunno how to get through

it doesnt help that i cant get though to you. fuck tell me what to do. somebody anybody

save me from being a fool, i learnt alot by losing you. and this is what i got.


i got educated and i got wasted.

i managed to breath and my heart keept beating. but its taken the worst ever beating.

im about to die.

i need your love to live.

no one cares about me.

you dont give a shit about me

you dont love me.

you hate me.

you want me dead.

you try to kill me.

i was right. or you did it all to hurt me.

no one will care when im gone.



i fucking hate that i love you. and i hate that i couldnt love you anymore then i do

i say i dont give a shit about you then i appologize and admit it was a lie. theres nothing i can say

i wear goggels to avoid eye contact cos if people manage to make that they might ask if im okay?

and if they do then i gotta say im not okay im feeling fine, im not contempalting suicide or cutting my flesh with a knife.
and there is no risk that i could lose my life.



hey piercing lady

this is the 4th chapter of the love to be told.



here it goes.


I love you. your a cruel bitch but i love you and i cant get enough of you. im sorry for whats happend but i will never forgive you.
this is who i am i have truly changed. but the part of me that is the of us is here. right in my eyes.
behind the death deeper inside free from the chains of before. now at war and i blame you ! WHORE! my wounds are raw and sore
my wounds are caused by your hand. flesh torn apart its not a recovery its a relapse. i cant help myself and i dont belive in anything
except that i love you. nothing else comes close. nothing else about my day matters. except that.

i love you.

i love you.

i love you.


i hate you.


i really do fucking hate you. but at the same time i forgive you everytime i remember how fucking sick you make me god damn it bitch


fuck you im so sick of you its true i hate you ! but dear god do i love you! why after all the hurt you done to me!





you wanna meet after new years.


why ?


to tell me your happy with your new man and you wanna move on and live your life with out me... ?


i swear. if thats what your avoiding me for.



well i dont know what i'll do, i'll proberly react well say goodbye get fucked and take my own life so that the hurt will stop.


i wish i didnt love you so much.



in my dreams i die smile then wake.

just to scream out and as morning breaks, my slumber ceases i hide my eyes and then i cry and cry

i cry


I died by you.



THAT NIGHT!



i cant handlle this pain.

this life is hollow.

i cant stand this life.



i miss my wife to be.



i wanna raise a family with you




but no you wanna make me fucking lose my mind.



watch me fade away.
















its all about the love.


its not about the hate.


and i have love for you