Never again.

It has been so long since i have seen the dawn, that i have all but forgotten how the sky pales, how one after another stars fade away, losing their glow, so they may be reborn once again when the night falls upon the world. How the fire drowns the world, reflecting off the clouds, so white and fluffy, as if they are made up of softest feathers and cotton. At times it seems like i almost miss those paintings of day time, that something is missing in my life, when memories begin to bother old, nearly healed wounds, in place of which there are only white scars now that sometimes still bring pain that nearly rips my skin open anew, making me often cry out because of that almost physical sensation.
Sun has died. It no longer exists. It exploded in millions bright shards of liquid lava, blinding us all for a moment. Clouds will never be white again, grass will never sparkle like emeralds, flowers shall never again show their bright colors. The entire world has fallen into gray, dark blue and black, now only lit by the cold, prickly silver of the moon. Music became sadder, long, mournful notes make me think of moans of dying animals. Everything has changed. I wonder what the sky feels now, having lost one of it's eyes, knowing it will never be able to show off it's favorite bright blue dressing gown? Somewhat scary to realize that what we lose will never come back again, has gone into darkness forever. Maybe it would help if i thought that it's better wherever those who leave us end up. Doesn't hurt as much then.
Listening to hushed song of the night i nearly lose myself in some sort of half-sleep, before my eyes are long forgotten paintings of happiness, which, i know, will never come back again, will never gift me with it's bright smile, will never grant me the ability to see the light of hope. How meaningless it all seems, when you begin to understand that there's nothing left to fight for, nothing to hold onto just so you won't drown in this unstoppable stream called life. Water's surface is now begins to cover itself in thin film of ice, earth pulls up it's white cover of snow, trees now seem to be ghosts in old-fashioned white burial gowns, windows are painted with frost. Blind eyes see in the dark, dead hearts warm up in freezing air, begin to beat anew driven by a faintest of hopes that winter will not last forever. It's just... the darkness won't come off my soul so easily, won't get washed off in icy water, will not be rid of poison that accumulated in it over the years.
Who needs a soul in this place anyway, when the whole universe reminds me now of an ever-hungry monster, swallowing lives mercilessly, following only a dull instincts. Dead tears burn my skin with cold fire without stirring any emotions in me, just rolling off onto the ground, turning into tiny ice crystals, disturbing the silence of winter's forest with a sound of a silver bell. Kill me, love me, poison my lips once more with your kiss, sink your nails into my skin, moan under my thrusts, wrap me in you, let us be like wild animals in heat just one more time, consumed by that lust we have always had for each other, hunger for flesh that made us wish we could devour each other every time we met. 'twas true love, for both of us. Let us love each other on the frozen ground, until we can no longer move, exhausted.
Bury my heart in the rock-hard soil, throw my soul up on the cloud, leave my body for hungry scavengers to feast on mark this spot with a cross made of gnarled tree branches. Let it remind me that this is where my heart lies. In spring i will come here and put a small bouquet of wild flowers on a tiny burial mound and leave without looking back, to never return here again.