Bad Habits

I smoke and drink and gamble, and yeah, I even swear,
When I see an ugly person, i`m the guy who`ll point and stare.

I burp and fart and make weird sounds, I never rinse my cup,
and when your in the restroom, that was me who left it up.

Peed in the shower, and the pool, and even pick my nose,
On the brand new carpet, I like to clip my toes.

I leave the car on empty, same with the milk jug,
In my life i`ve tried, every single drug.

I steal, I cheat, I flirt, I constantly lie,
At both weddings and funerals, I pretend to cry.

I ask you how your day was, even though I just don`t care.
I use your brand new razor, to shave my pubic hair.

Watch porn, read dirty mags, stay up way to late,
Every free moment, I try to masterbate.

Skipped school, booked off work, even though I wasn`t sick,
Fresh feeling privates, thanks to your deodorant stick.

Broke promises, stole glory, told people that I did it,
Said `I can go all night`, when I last less than a minute.

With all these bad habits, I know that you all can surely see,
that I have to thank God, I married someone worse then me.