Seems Like Just Yesterday

    I will admit, as a child, I was a spoiled bratt. I always made my mother feel guilty or sad if she couldn't buy me something I wanted. I would cry, beg, and pout till she reassured me that I would be getting whatever I asked for. I couldn't comprehend why she couldn't buy me everything I wanted, yet I knew she was the only one supporting me and my siblings. Mom would borrow money, or sell something she had just brought just days or weeks before to feed us, clothe us, pay bills, etc.

    I would feel sorry for her, but I still added to her burden. What kind of child does that? Why did I hurt her when she needed comfort? I don't know! I would change it all if I could. My mother did everything she could to keep me "HAPPY" then; still does till this day. I love my "MOMMY", and I know for a fact that she adores me. Now - my father was paralyzed from waist down. He took up most of mom's time, and seeked attention. The moments I spend with my mom made me feel "WHOLE". They kept me going through the day. My dad was an evil man... was very quiet, but violent. Dad was verbally, emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive toward mother. He destroyed my siblings, and me in the process. The older I got, the more I held in, and the more he hurt my mother, the more I rebelled against him. Eventually - through time... all I could do is hate him the way he hated me! Daddy was a scary man. People feared him even from his wheelchair. All he had to do was speak, and we knew what was coming. Mom was terrified of him, so he took advantage of that. Hell - she stayed with him till death called his name, and she truly loved him just the way he was. He didn't deserve my mother... She's always been an "ANGEL IN DISGUISE". She stayed loyal to him in every way, and all he did was treat her like "SHIT". I would pray for good days, but there were very few. My momma, brother's, and sister tried to shut my eyes to the world I lived in... we lived in, but I was aware of it all. I just kept all the heartbreaks to myself. I tried telling my story to my mother once, but my father called her in to their room because he needed something, and I shut down... changed my mind. I chose not to let anyone know what was happening to me inside and outside my home. Didn't wan't momma to cry any more than she had too; she was suffering enough. My father's actions frightened all of us. Deep inside - I was falling apart, and no one ever picked it up. I didn't know who I could turn too. The actions my dad took affected me in ways no one knows. My heart and soul are shattered... unable to repair - still!

    So - out of a million bad days; I remember one good day! Here's one memory I try to relive often. It puts a smile on my face every time. I begged my parents for a rabbit, and for a while, the answer was "NO". Time passed, and still no bunny. Finally - I gave up, and stopped asking for it. One day, I get home from elementary school, and my father called me to his bedroom. I had just walked in to the house, so my first thought was... "WHAT DID I DO NOW?" My mother told me to go see what he wanted. I did as I was told. I got to the bedroom, and dad was patting the bed. I wasn't sure why he wanted me to sit, so I held back. He said, "COME HERE", and I did. I sat by his side, on the white sheet that covered him. I said, afraid, "WHAT DADDY?" Suddenly - I felt something move, and dad grinned. He told me to see what was under the blanket, so I picked it up, and to my surprise... there was a very small female, white with pink eyes - rabbit! The bunny had pooped a lot which told me she was there a while before I arrived. I was so excited, and truly happy. It was totally unexpected, especially from my father. I knew he loved animals like I did, but I had lost hope about getting the rabbit when they kept giving me the "NO" answer. He was thrilled about my reaction, and for one day... I felt "LOVED". My father never showed us love, so getting my bunny from him was a start. For him to be happy cause I was happy was rare! He showed me a bit of love on this day; I felt it! Tomorrow was another day, and I just knew that the "SMILES" would at some point become "FROWNS" once again. I thanked "GOD"  for this specific day, and lived through the rest of my days hoping that my dad would show me love and affection one more time. Gradually - we learned to hate each other... dealt with each other because we had no choice.

    I thanked my mommy and daddy for my beautiful gift. It was an amazing day, and I couldn't of been happier at that very moment. Every day, for a long while, I looked forward to coming home just to bond with my rabbit. I loved her, and she loved me - unconditionally! She kept me "SANE" when everything else was making me " INSANE". She filled the void in my heart just like every other pet I've owned since the age of five. Animals complete me! This is my favorite childhood memory, and I can tell it like it was only yesterday.