Life goes on.

They say life goes on. Well, then they have never felt what I'm feeling. Because most people would crumble under the weight of it. Most people would collapse from the effort it takes for me to do the simplest things. Walking, breathing, even falling asleep is agonizing. Everything reminds me of him. The way we would walk together, our bodies pressed against one another, our fingers forever intertwined. The way my breath would stop for a moment when he would look at me. My heart would skip a beat and I would hold my breath, only exhaling once I saw the beautiful expression on his beautiful face and the beautiful way he would walk towards me. The beautiful way he made me feel. Feeling as if I could walk on water, I would place my hands on his beautiful chest while his beautiful hands cupped my face. I would stare into his beautiful eyes, at least four inches above my own, and forget everything else. And we would stay that beautiful way until we felt, rather than saw, the jealous eyes boring into our backs, wishing they were as happy as we were. And the worst part of it? I truly believed that we would be together forever. I had imagined us in the future, with our perfect 2.4 kids living in a perfect house. Sleeping under the same roof forever. But now, I am unable to crawl into my bed without wanting to cry. Every night I cry my permanently puffy eyes out, crying until I give myself a migraine, crying until my throat feels like it will forever have a knot stuck in it. My bed feels empty without him in it. I feel empty without him. I'm a floating vessel, with no purpose. Sleep is impossible because honestly, after months of feeling the warmth of his body lightly pressed against mine and his arm protectively over my shoulder, how could anyone fall asleep?  After months of hearing the steady sound of his breath near my ear, feeling the hot air rushing over my neck giving me goose bumps, how can I even look at my bed? Months of waking up to see his beautiful peaceful face still entranced in a dreamworld. Now, when I wake up all I see are the pictures of us plastered to my walls and headboard. It tortures me everyday, knowing that I had him and he was my everything and now he doesn't even look my way. Which, I admit, is impressive considering we have every other class together. Everyday, I see his beautiful face. That face I used to know so well. That face I used to trace, lightly running my fingers over it. That face I used to trust. That face I used to light up when I saw it. I would light up like a Christmas tree for him. And even now, even when he's abandon me, I still light up for him. He's just stopped looking. I still love him. We always said this to each other but I realize now that he never meant it. But it doesn't matter. I always loved him and even now, I still love him. Even after everything we did and everything he gave me and then took away in less than five minutes. If he asked me to go to the end of Earth with him, I would be sitting on the edge. I'd be waiting for him to take my hand one last time. I'd leave this world with the one thing that kept me here. Him.