Nothing to Say

I have no feelings at the moment; I just can't breathe, I feel that everything is tight around me, everything is pressuring me, more precisely, and everyone is teasing and mistreating me. Why I'm living in such sadness? What have I done wrong? Why people have to be that devilish? Can't anybody prevent them from being so?
Over and above, people judge you according to every single word you say, but you might have said something in a moment of outrageous, can't they forgive you?
Now I'm suffering because of people, because they always take advantage of me and then disappear from my life, why I'm supposed to live like this? Shouldn't I be good? But that’s my nature I can't change it, I can't be cruel because I hate to see that someone is being cruel to me. I'm wondering who the first person that used such feelings is, what did he get of that? I'm feeling that I'm living at the mercy of others since I can't change the way they look at me, but I know that someday they'll wish that they have never been bad to me.
I'm drowning in a pool of misery, loneliness and hurt right now, I'm trying to survive, but every time I do I get back to the same place, to that pool. I can't find a gateway from those dreadful feelings, from those hands around my throat. I'm calling for help but no one is hearing; no one is caring even. I need a rest, I need to see the sunlight again, the beautiful gardens and green grass, the blue sky. I want to be able to hear the birds sing again, the water streams, the sea waves. I want to feel what love is for once in my life, although I can't find a definition for it, I can't know why is it there, I can't understand it and I can't be sure of its existence. There are some terms like love, listen, care, understand, community, people, beliefs, customs… that are locking me in a painted black room, so tight and narrow. I can't even move my body in it, more adequate, my fingers' tips. I'm shouting but no one is responding; they have left me alone suffocating in that dark room. I'm sensing water drops on my cheek, what the hek is that; oh, water is leaking into the room; my sight is going dim, what's going to happen next? Am I'll be able to stand all that torture? For how long should I stand those poisoned emotions? Is there something miraculous that might rescue me out of the blue? Those words are really the key for my help, but I can't find the thing that can explain them deeply to me. Furthermore, I need an alteration that offers me those things; something, maybe, to practice. Is that something is going to appear one day? Is I'm going to get rescued?
You out there, give me your hand, pull me out of this intimidating room, bring me out to the light, you magical being I'll be grateful for you, for you are my redeemer, I owe my life.
Oh, that being disappeared, who is going to rescue me? I can rescue myself the moment I'm ready to throw that burden behind my back, but am I'll be able to do that? Am I able to not break down and stand again on my feet? I can't reckon what may happen, all of that is in the hands of time; my life is in the hands of time, I wish it'll heal me and give me hope again, I wish it'll show me the sunlight again.
However, I hate that feeling that my life is in the hands of something or someone; can’t I draw the life I want? Can't I decide whether I want that thing or not? I feel that my life isn't mine, it belongs to an unexplainable soul, something that is not representing me, something that I wish that I can know what it is; something ambiguous. 
Now I'm searching for a way out, I'm searching for an escape exit; my destiny is hinged on that outlet, but I'm baffled if possible to find it. My body is shivering, I feel cold in my bones; I'm going to faint.
You anonymous savior redeem me from that pain and keep faith in me.
I can't figure out how I may solve this maze of thoughts and solutions. I can't understand what is going on right now; it seems that I'm going blind and paralyzed.
Something is making me insane, it is that they say that there is something called God that he is merciful and helps people, how come? I'm not seeing his effect; maybe he doesn't want to help me! "Merciful" that what you call him?!! Oh, grow up people! Everything around you had been made by you; it's your fatigue; so why do you put it under the name of God? I can't understand the way people think, the way they behave; I can't understand them, for they are complex creatures. Nevertheless, they don't see what is going around them, they are not conscious; they care for stupid things that it's not benefiting them. But in the other hand, I sometimes feel that there is a holy spirit because every time I don't believe or care for it something bad happens to me. Any way something bad happens!! 
Can I find the solution? 
Now I know that all of those feelings are caused by us, everything happens to us is made by us. If we think too much of something bad, bad things happens and vice versa. I know that I should move forward, I should take care of myself rather than thinking of the others because if I'm satisfied of myself others will see me the way I see myself besides I'm the only one that can help me. Now I'm not what I used to be, I've changed. I know now that my medicine is me, I'm responsible for everything that happens in my life wither it be bad or good.
I am the CURE.