my life

Hello, my name is Albina Delara Davidson. This name hasn't always been my real name. Before I was adopted, my name was Albina Ganiyrovna Leonidovna. I was born on December 10,1993 in Russia part of Republic of Tatar Stan in the city of Nizhnekamsk. I grew up most of my childhood at the orphanage. My mother, her name was Delara Ganiyrovna Rushidovna. She gave me birth to me. Delara was very pretty and she was very talented in writing. She was really skinny. She had dark light skin, and dark hair. She was only fourteen years old when she had me. I know its a very young for a girl to have a child. But it was normal in my family. I am glad that she had me. But she wasn't there for me when I needed her. She was gone most of time. I did love my mother and I knew that she could not take care of me because she was a child her self. My mother was an Uzbek. My mother was adopted. I don't know her childhood but I know she struggled in her life trying to take care of me. I did have a grandmother. Her name was Berngard Vasima Ganiyrovna. My grandmother was very good to me and she was there for me.

At age sixteen, Delara had another child, a baby girl. She named her Alina Ganiyrovna Leonidovna.

My sister looked like my mother. Alina was born on April 23,1996 in Russia part of Republic of Tatar Stan in the city of Nizhnekamsk. We never knew our father. After our mother had my sister, our mother started to take drugs and she was gone a lot. Most of time she wouldn't come home several nights. One night our mother came home very drunk and she was crying, she threaten to jump off the third floor. She was overwhelmed in her life with having me and my sister. Not just that she had mental issues. One day our mother was at home with her boyfriend. She was crying and arguing with my grandmother then next thing you know she is holding my sister very tight. And grandmother told her to let go of my sister. And she wouldn't. I remember she said that we were hers and that she is our mother and that no one couldn't take us away from her. Also she said that we will go were ever she goes. I tried help my grandmother to let my mother let my sister go. But my mother was holding my sister very tight. Then her boyfriend told her to let my sister go and he help my mother to release my sister. My mother had her own problems and she didn't want no ones help. One day, our neighbor came and she was arguing with my mother and my grandmother and next thing you know the neighbor was threatening our mother saying to her husband to get an ax so she could chop my mothers head. I was starting crying so as my sister and we said to the lady please don't. And then the lady warned my mother. Our neighbors were mean to us. Saying that me and my sister are making loud noises and stuff like that. And that we were annoying people. I personally hated our neighborhood I didn't like how they talk to my mother and my grandmother. We never celebrated our birthday. We were poor, my mother didn't have a job nor as my grandmother. Our grandmother was a big time alcoholic. She spent the money that she had on her alcohol. One night our grandmother and we were at the apartment, the police came and he knew about my mothers and grandmothers problem and he was concerned about us. He told my grandmother, that it would be for our sake to be living at the orphanage. My grandmother said no. Then the policeman was talking to me and saying that we were gonna have our own bed and stuff and we will make friends. After the policeman left I begged my grandmother to take me. And she did eventually. I was so happy that I went to the orphanage because it was more fun there then living with my mother who wasn't there for me and my sister and our grandmother was more depressed and she drank more of the alcohol. I have lots of memories I had a pretty rough life as you can tell. The orphanage did offer my mother a job but she rejected. When my sister and I were at the orphanage our grandmother came and took us home. I asked her what was wrong and she told us that our mother died. I was so upset so as my sister. It was really hard for us to get over it that our mother died. I asked my grandmother how she died. But she didn't tell me On till one night she got drunk and she said to us that someone killed our mother. I personally don't believe that I feel like my mother died from overdose of the drugs. My grandmother blamed our neighborhood of our mothers death. I remember after our mother died, our grandmother started to drink more and more of the alcohol. It was really scary for me and my sister to watch. My grandmother did blame our neighbors for the death of our mother and she sometimes scared us. By holding a knife against her throat and she cut her self and blamed us also for her death when our grandmother was drunk. After our mothers death, I had bad dreams of my mother and it was mostly bad dreams. One night I couldn't sleep and I wanted to go use the bathroom and I was really scared to go to the bathroom. My sister was sleeping with my grandmother. I woke my grandmother up and asked if she could come with me to the bathroom. And she said your bigger enough to go on your own. Anyway's I started to walk out the bedroom and I looked in living room and there was someone sitting on the chair and was looking at me I used the bathroom in a bucket and I through a doll at the living room and it disappeared I ran to my bed and I covered myself with the blanket.

One night my grandmother couldn't sleep. It was because the guys outside the door were being loud and rude and they were drinking and smoking. And it woke me up. I was really tired that night. And so as my grandmother but the guys didn't listen to my grandmother. She asked them nicely to stop being loud and to be quite. Then I told them to shut up and they came up and pushed my grand mother and me on the floor. And the guys were laughing and making fun of my grandmother. I got up and I tried to help my grandmother to get up and then my sister woke up and she asked what's going on and I said nothing just go to bed and my grandmother went to bed and I locked the door so that the guys can't come in and hurt my grandmother. I didn't go to school till I was eight years old. I was smart and talented in sports and I was an animal lover and still am...I got adopted in November, 5 2004 so as my younger sister. The family that adopted us didn't want me in the first place and it made me really upset but they still adopted me and a year later I got my adoption disrupted. And they sent me to the hospital and I stayed there for a week. After a week I got adopted by my mother Jennifer and David Davidson. I was glad that I got a new family. But I didn't get to see my sister or talk to her though. And I got depressed and I started to self harm. I overdosed pills, jump off the second floor, cutting, and sex with random guys. I did all of those stuff because I feel like I am nothing and everything in my life got taken away from me. My life was miserable and it kind of still is. I love my family to death. And I don't want another family. They love me and they there for me. Now I'm eighteen years old and now I have to make my own decisions as a young adult. I still have my heart broken by my past and especially my sister. She is scared of me and she doesn't trust me and she doesn't want to be alone with me and my parents. And, that makes me feel really bad about myself and like I feel like nobody wants to be near me. I am struggling making new friends and I just get judge a lot. I am not trying to kill my self I'm just trying to take my pain away. Well that's enough for right now thanks for reading it