A little love

I love you, part two.

Love is the strongest feeling in the world. To fall in love with a person is fortunate and luck. I believe there is someone out there made perfectly for another person. I say it's luck because if there is only one person for you and you find them, that's amazing! Have I ever been in love? Yep, and I'm completely certain. I'm only nineteen years old and some think that's too young to recognize what love really is. I don't. When it comes to being in love, I've been through things a teenage girl should never have to go through. I felt like I've already met the person who was made for me. But I also believe in love after love, so who knows. Wish me luck!

Crazy, just like you.

"Hello, I'm Sydney. I'm an old fashioned kind of girl and I like proper introduction. I live in a little city in Michigan with my parents and my two cats. I work at a coffee shop, I don't really like it. I wouldn't say I have a lot of friends because I can't name enough to make all ten fingers. I have a boyfriend Josh, who I have been with for about six months now. We don't have much in common but I love being around him. We're kind of at that stage where we're just "trying to make it work." He's younger than me, a senior in High School and works four days a week. We never have time for each other anymore and it kind of sucks."
Josh is a little on the crazy side. He has been in the hospital and takes mood stabilizers but I don't see that working. Little things happen, for example I hang out with my guy friends. Josh completely freaks out and has hurt himself before because I didn't want to talk on the phone while I was with my friends. That was just one incident. After being with him for a little while now, I've noticed my mind changing. I feel that craziness he has inside of him. It was really late one night and I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep when my mind wouldn't stop going. It's almost indescribable! I felt like there were ten voices shouting all these problems at me all at once. It wouldn't stop and I began to panic. Since my mom was still awake, I ran to find her and tell her about it. Finally it stopped.
My mother gives the best advice. I can tell her anything.Her advice about my situation was to dump my boyfriend. Obviously he was getting to me and she was right. Once all of that happened I felt different about being with him. I still cared about him but I couldn't stay with him for the sake of myself. I had tried talking to him but nothing worked. He was in love with me and wouldn't take the rejection. At that point, I didn't want to be around him anymore. My ex boyfriend, Oliver had been calling me to get together and I was scared that would make things worse. It did. Oliver was calling me a few times a week to hang out and my boyfriend knew. I'm not one to hide things. I don't mind telling him the truth. Josh was sketchy about it at first but after awhile he said he didn't care because he trusted me. I loved that freedom, probably too much. I ended up seeing my ex boyfriend more and more. This boy put me through the saddest time of my life. I don't think I can handle this again.

I love you, part one.
Oliver was my first love. To this day, my only love. I dated him for a little over a year and we haven't been together for about three years now. I fell for him fast. He was the only boy I can actually say I was satisfied with. We had that perfect teenage love story with a few bumps along the way. Around four months of being together, I was heartbroken for the first time. We were sixteen and stupid. We skipped school all the time and hung out at his house since his mom was at work. One day during school, Oliver, our friend Andy, and I were at his house and it was close to the time for me to leave. We knew when his mom got home so she wouldn't catch me there. Oliver and I were just playing around and being mean to each other. Nothing serious though, we both joke around a lot. I said something mean and he acted like he was going to hang himself. I did not think that was funny at all. He got a chair and their dog leash and took it too far. Oliver is a tall boy, so where he was he could reach the ground on his tippy toes. I grabbed his legs, telling him to get down but he still wanted to make a joke out of it. Of course I'm going to get mad, that's serious! Andy and I went back to his room to grab my things because it was time to go. I walked out and saw him still there. "Are you going to get down? I have to leave so come say goodbye," I said. He didn't say anything back. The last thing I said before I walked out his front door was "I'll call you when I get home, I love you." Again, nothing.
I didn't drive so I was walking. We didn't live far from each other so it was never a problem seeing each other. I was about half way and saw a bunch of ambulances coming my way. I watched them turn down his street. My heart dropped and I started shaking. I ran as fast as I could home while tears like rain fell from my face. My mother was home and I summed up my assumption as fast as a scattman would. She didn't believe me. My mom was just mad at me because I told her I skipped school. I called Oliver's phone over and over again. There was no answer.
About a half an hour later his brother Karl called me telling me everything I thought, had actually happened. I was living my worst nightmare. Karl told me the police were there and wanted to talk to me. I didn't go because I didn't have the courage. Another half an hour passes and the police are at my door, ready to take me to the police station. My mom came with me and sat while I got questioned. They were the meanest cops I've ever met. They thought I had something to do with it, like it wasn't an accident. One of the police officers told me that there is a big chance of Oliver not making it. I broke down, hit rock bottom, my heart died that second.
I had school the next day and I didn't think I'd make it without him. I didn't even make it to my first class without breaking down again. I called home and left. The kids at school knew about it that day and wouldn't leave me alone about it. I ended up not going to school at all that week. None of Oliver's family were calling me to tell me if he was going to be okay. Finally Karl called me and told me he was in a coma. I immediately blamed myself for leaving him that day all of this happened. The day after, my mother took me up to the hospital he was in to see him. Oliver's father was there, who I had never met before. That was the worst first impression in history. His dad hated me before he even met me. Oliver's mom didn't let me see him that day. She said he is in too bad of a condition and doesn't want me to see him like that. I went home, more and more heart broken. Karl kept me updated and told me he woke up from the coma. One of the first things he said was "Did Sydney break up with me?" I had to go there and see him, I was just waiting for someone to tell me I could.
I stayed in my bed that whole week, mainly sleeping so I wasn't crying. My mom woke me up the next morning saying I had a phone call. I had never been so happy in my life. Oliver called from the hospital asking me to come up there. He was in a coma for one full week. That one week was by far the worst week of my life. I went to see him as soon as I could. It was so hard seeing him sitting in that hospital bed without crying. I didn't know what I could say without balling my eyes out. My mom came with me and chatted with his mom most of the time, while we held hands. Before we had to leave, I didn't know how to say goodbye. "You can touch him, he's not in any pain," said Oliver's mom. I hugged him and gave him two kisses goodbye. Two because the first one was a thank you, the second saying "I'll see you again." Thank you because you are alive and I'll see you again because I'm going home knowing that I will. He became a major part of me that day and I knew right there, he was the most important person to walk in my life.
Oliver came home the next day and I was actually stable enough to go to school the whole day. Right after, I rushed to his house. He lost a lot of memory, I noticed. Oliver had no idea what happened that day. I didn't want to refresh his memory just yet. I don't think I could have taken it. Eventually I explained everything that I knew even though he wasn't that curious.
After that tragic heart break, we stayed together for a year after that. Yeah, there was an ending. An ending that I never wanted to happen in a million years. We ended up getting on each others nerves a lot towards the last month. I wanted to be with him still but spend less time together since we were never really apart. He took that as a "break" and was sneaking around. Since the incident his mother never really liked me. When Oliver told me his mom didn't want me over anymore, I believed it. Behind my back he was leaving my house early and bringing another girl over his. That went on for about two weeks before I found out, I'm guessing. Our friend Dan's girlfriend cheated on him with my boyfriend and I found out from Dan. There were hicky's all over her neck and chest so she told him the truth. I immediately fell apart and ended things with Oliver.

Sensitive Heart.
I tried seeing other guys. There were a few between Oliver and Josh. Nothing seemed to interest me. A lot of time had passed after the split between Oliver and I and we talked here and there. I was not over Oliver. I started to think I'd never get over him. I met Josh at one of my friends parties and after that we started hanging out a lot. I got to know him over time. We talked for four months before we started dating. He had been through a lot too so I felt comfortable around him. Oliver and I have mutual friends so he found out about my new fling. He didn't really start talking to me again until I had been with Josh for a little while. Oliver wouldn't let me move on. Quite frankly, I wouldn't let myself either.
We started seeing each other more and I was seeing Josh less. That was around the time Josh's craziness was pushing me away. I spent a whole day with Oliver because Josh was too busy doing drugs at some concert. I did a horrible thing to Josh and cheated on him with Oliver. Kind of. I did try to end things but he wouldn't listen. I'm not making excuses for my action because I know it was wrong. I just can't get over this boy and Josh is no good for me. I ignored Josh all that night. The day after I attempted to end things with him again. Trying really hard because I couldn't be with him after what I did. It's not the right thing to do. Once again, he wasn't letting me end what we had. Which I didn't think we had anything anymore even before what happened between me and Oliver. I had to confess. He cried to me and screamed a lot which was scary to me. I deserved it.
Josh and I were done. We stopped talking to each other that day I told him. But me and Oliver weren't over. I saw him a lot after that. All of those feelings I had were still there and it was so strong. Oliver told me he kept those feelings for me and hadn't moved on still. One of those nights he dropped me off at home and we kissed goodbye. After the kiss I told him that I hate leaving him. He responded with "I love you too." I thought it was funny and said it back to him. He didn't know how much that meant to me. That's all that's going through my head was that I knew he was the one for me. I forgave him for what he did because he truly is a good person at heart and people make mistakes. I just wanted to be with him.
Oliver brought back that happiness that I haven't had since he was around before. I can be happy without a boyfriend but I wasn't happy in general. With Josh, I went through depression from all of the craziness. I was actually happy again! I didn't want to ruin anything this time. I was on a mission to make Oliver mine again.
Two months have passed and me and Oliver were at the same position. Nothing moved forward. When we're with each other, we seem like we're together by the way we act towards each other. It confused me. I had to know what was going on between us. His first excuse was, "I don't think I'm emotionally stable to be with you yet." Which was fine, I'm in no hurry. Second excuse, "I don't want to neglect my friends." Oliver is with his friends constantly. I barely seen him without at least one of his friends being there too. Lastly, "I told you I didn't want to date anytime soon." I didn't say that either. I just want to know if I'm wasting my time or not trying again. Go figure, I was. How can two people love each other and walk away so easily? It makes me think our second time around was only one sided.

Confessions.
After everything I've been through with him, he had broken my heart for the last time.
I love him, still. We don't see each other anymore. I think it's for the better. He is the only boy I will fall for over and over again. Until I find love again, somewhere else.

Oliver, you will always have a huge place in my heart. No matter what happens in the future, my love, you're a great person and I hope you find someone who appreciates that as much as I do. You're everything.