Christmas Eve, 1984

Back in 1984 my daughter, then, 4 years old climbed into the bathroom sink, stood up and reached high above her head and got into a bottle of pills and took a bunch of them.

It was Christmas Eve. I was busy in the kitchen making pies, entertaining my sister and her kids and my husband.

We were also playing a board game at the kitchen table. Elizabeth came to me with a bottle of nail polish and ask me to put some on her nails. As was custom for us, I quickly applyed the polish and she sat on the floor

beside me fingers wide spread to allow them to dry. She then went into grand mal secizers. She turned blue and stopped breathing.

I hystercally started yelling her name. No responce. Her Father gave her mouth to mouth breathing. I dialed 911. It seemed like forever till the emergency people arrived, but they actually came quite

quickly and took her to a near-by hospital. The doctors there did all they could and she never came out of the unconsicence state.

The Doctors told my husband and I that they would have to take her to another hospital. She was taken to Loma Linda Hospital in Loma Linda, CA. I remember thinking to myself

if anyone could help her they could. it was the same time as a child was there who had just recived a baboon heart and that was all over the news.

I felt I was going to good hands.



We were in Loma Linda, going in and out of seizers for eight days, never knowing what was wrong. It wasn't untill the last day that my sister called me and told me that her daughter, Susie, the same age

as mine, told her what had happen that day. The girls were both in the bathroom and my little girl decided to teach her cousin how to take her vitiams like a big girl. Take them with water, don't chew them.

Susie had told her mom, my sister that she had taken some of the pills to. Well for the rest of my life from then till now, for almost 30 years my sister has not been to my house, because her husband

blamed me and freaked out and they would not ever more visit my home.



My whole family was upset. Several times a day during this I recived phone calls inquiring how Elizabeth was doing. She came out of it just like a new baby grows up. Soon she could hold up her head. the

next day, she could sit up, the next day stand up, the next day walk, but not turn corners, just walk in a straight line. I had countless child welfare people questioning me. social workers. Friends staring at me.

All sorts of people thinking whatever they were thinking and saying but no one came to that hospital except for the people who lived right next door. not one grandparent from either side. Not one aunt or uncle.

No one supported me at all. Even my husband went back to work the second day and I was alone at that hospital for the entire week. My other kids were at another neighbors down the street, but she got

tired of it by the time it was over too. I didn't have a clue what happen to my daughter untill my sister called and told me. Didn't these people think I was worried sick? For months afterwords there

were countless dr appointments which I had to drive miles and miles to get her to without any help from a single person. I was draggin my butt.



Then the Dr said all clear.



Skip ahead about 20 years.



Those rebellious teens will get you every time. but you never think its the same demonds that are returning to haunt you again.

She started to have seizers, but not grand maul, the tiny ones, just her hands shake, and her eyes go back and forth. HEr dr says she has Partal Complex

Seizers, Caused by scar tissue from a previous brain tramma. She cannot do the job she wanted to do. She is having trouble raising her kids. Her father, who is

now my ex-husband, still blames me. My sister still hasn't talked to me for years. And it was just last night my daughter who is studying to get her masters in

physcology called and talked to me about why she is having all these problems. I cryed on the phone with her. Im so, so sorry. She dosen't blame me at all.

Im thankful for that, but I feel like I'd have rather died that day than have her go through all this her entire life.



The counselors have told me, I shouldn't blame myself. There were two other adults in that house at the time, not just me. My sister should have been watching what her child was doing, just as well.

My ex-husband is just as responsible as I am. But for some reason, its always the mother.