The New Partner

"You all know what the three biggest lies in the world are?" I said to start my act.

There were a fair number of laughs.  No screamers, but no boos.  That's critical.

"We've all heard them at one time or another," I continued.

"Like I'll still respect you in the morning," hollered a forty something from a table near the front.  Holding her own in the looks department, but whatever she was drinking was starting to have an impact.

The crowd roared.  OK, that got them warmed up, but it's my show, so I had to get them back.

"Ah honey, I meant every word of it," got them back on my side.

"Besides, we can still be friends," I said giving her an open arms shrug.  "Oops, that's actually number two."

A couple of screams on that one.

"For number one," I said pausing dramatically, "drum roll please."

Good they were chuckling on anything at this point.  Had them eating out of my hand.  Hmm, that could have a number somewhere.

"She has a great sense of humor."

And they were going with it.

"Of course, 'for the mother of Frankenstein' is understood," I added laughing myself at that one.

"Why are you insulting me?" screamed the forty something.

Oh no, don't tell me she wants to be part of the show.

"Well I'll show you number three," she added, coming up on the stage.

"This won't hurt a bit," as she cocked her arm, a partially empty beer bottle in her hand.

Her swing was so hard, and so far off, that it darn near flipped her up in the air.  She ended up sitting down on the stage in a great pratfall.

"I'd like you all to welcome my new partner," I said, playing to the audience.