Fuck It

Fuck it all anymore. I'm done. I've had it. I don't care. This shit is fucked up. I'm uncomfortable with myself. With my own god damn self. That's pathetic. But really what is pathetic? If I really loathe myself as much as I think I do, then what candle does pathos hold a flame to? Maybe that's the answer. Maybe the flames ignite the pain. All of this has been said before so I'll say it again. I'm unoriginal, attention seeking, loser of a mind. Once it was full of great ideas and clever wit, now it's empty and void of everything. I can't stand it. I don't want to sound crazy... ah fuck it. I am crazy. I'm lost inside myself. It's stupid. It's a waste of time. I'm a waste of time. I feel like I'm at a podium preaching to the masses. The masses which are clones of myself. Quite a few of my clones are even thinking "Man, this guy is off his rocker. I don't really care what the fuck he's blathering about. It doesn't matter anyway." That's right, it doesn't really matter. I'll just melt into the earth and maybe I'll come back and serve more of a purpose as a ficus. A fucking ficus!? Yes, Jake my boy, a ficus. It's not what's on the outside, but what's on the inside that counts. So I guess I've lost count. Or at least what I thought counted. I'm not sure but then again I've never been good at math anyway. The point is that there is no point in feeling like this anymore. I kind of want to implant explosives beneath my kneecaps. Maybe I could trigger them with the sound of hope. Yeah, that should work. Maybe my calling in life was put on hold but got disconnected. That's a good word. That's an appropriate word. Disconnected. I think, therefor I am. Then again... am I? I'm absolutely bat shit crazy. I feel like running full speed into a propeller. It would be a glorious blood show. When did those go out of style? Hmmm... I suppose it was in the 40's. No longer were my current visions considered 'chic'. But who the fuck cares when you're a lunatic. Bash my brains out, let them trickle out of my nose. You know how lazy those fucking Egyptians are. Bastards. Ironic, my eyes are heavy, as if covered in led. I guess this is a good place to end. Infuriating to the reader as it may be. I just