what do I want?

At the end of the year i will be thirty years old and I am sad to say that i have nothing to show for it. See when I was younger all i wanted was to get married and start a family of my own. I wanted to be the mother that I never really had and I wanted to be a wife (this was a rare thing in my family, we had plenty mothers but very few wives and i wanted to be one of the few), but as i am sure you have already guessed I am not a wife or a mother. Honestly after a while i really didn't care too much about being a wife I really just wanted to be a mother, but now as I contemplate my future It really doesn't matter to me if I become a mother. What I want more than anything in this world is to be a wife I want someone who will always be there for me, some one who can provide me with a reason for getting out of bed everyday, someone who can motivate me to work hard, because right now i really have to say that getting out of bed and going to work so that i can obtain material things really isn't working for me these days. I find myself dragging as i prepare to go to work and sometimes i even feel as if I might have a panic attack or nervous break down as soon as my hand touches the door handle. I have never had a panic attack or nervous break down but, i do feel that i may have one very soon. I know what it takes to be a good wife and honestly as life passes my me by with no hopoe of that happening for me I feel that I am becoming more self-centered and selfish and I know that this is not a good thing but, i can't help and if I don't meet someone soon I know that there will be no hope for me. I will be too set in my ways to even try to attempt to compromise or see someone else's point of view. The end