The Dark Side {Chapter Five}

I wish you'd see it the way I do,
See how much I really despise you.
But in truth, you do, you do.
You see how much I hate you.
But let alone, I still sigh.
Breathing out a tearless cry.
I want you back in my arms,
Never to let you be harmed.
You don't want what I do,
I desperately want to love you.
But how can I, when you cut so deep?
From my heart, a silent weep.
No matter how much I'm hurting,
No matter how much I'm burning,
The halves of my heart, together I sew
And curse under my breath at myself
For still loving you.

~Keltic


Chapter Five
Keeping the spades and losing the hearts

         Working on our project wasn't too bad. Ali decided to cooperate, and only threatened to kill me around ten times. Silently, I threatened to kill her sixteen times. I guess that, mentally, she beat my number by a lot. Either way, our poem was going well. It was about love and death. Ali would speak of love, and I would speak of death. Of course. When she'd told me the idea, I snorted, but decided not to create a scene. So now I stared absently at Ali's downcast face as her pencil scribbled in neat handwriting all along the paper. At the top, she had written our names - By Ali and Gabriel. That normally wouldn't seem very significant to me.

         Except for the fact that the 'i' in my name was dotted with a tiny heart.

         I supposed it meant nothing, just force of habit. But Ali had never dotted 'i's with hearts before, and she hadn't done it to her name. Quickly I shook out of my thin shield of hope, mentally kicking myself. I had Sierra, she had Derek. We'd broken up, actually she'd broken up with me, but that was it. Nothing else. But why did there feel like something, anything, was trying to break through its cuffs and chains to frolick like a free little fawn leaping on wobbly legs through a field of soft, warm spires of bright green grass that still clutched morning dew?

         I shook my head and recited her words she'd written for herself. "'Love is an eternal flame that burns like the setting sun, everything is happy and great, both girl and boy have fun. For the first while it seems innocent, but soon it becomes more, then the girl's laughing 'cause Daddy got mad when he saw them kissing against the door...' Ali, what the hell is this crap? I mean, honestly, cheesy much?" I murmured, looking up at her with raised eyebrows.

         Ali scoffed. "I don't think its cheesy at all. I think its sweet. I bet Derek would too." she said defiantly, flicking a strand of hair out of her eyes.

         My teeth clenched. Why did Ali comparing me to her boyfriend and saying that he was better bother me? Why?! I took a second to calm myself down, and completely evaporate the harsh words I'd wanted to scream right then. "Love is eternal, huh? I'm surprised you believe that." I retorted bitterly.

         Ali's eyes widened. She sighed in annoyance, shaking her head. "Dammit, Gabriel, don't do this." she growled to me in a low voice. "Besides, it wasn't like you tried that hard to keep up your end of the relatonship." she growled, shaking her head again. "Forget it." I didn't want to forget it.

         "If love is so eternal, then why did you lie to me?" I growled back, my voice rising.

         "Gabriel, drop it!"

         "No, answer me. Huh? Why did you lie, yet you believe everything is pure and great? Didn't seem like that when we were together, now did it? Or did you just realize it? Did your new prey help you figure that out? Huh?" I pressed impatiently, hissing out the words through clenched teeth.

         Ali's blue eyes turned a cold, steely color. She narrowed them, pursing her full lips a few times, as if trying to speak without an outburst. "Gabriel," she growled sharply, "Shut the hell up and get to work." For some reason, I left the argument there and worked in silence. Ali kept defending herself as if to herself, but I knew she was only saying it loud enough so I could hear. "Prey? Stupidest thing I've ever heard." she muttered as her pencil scribbled along the page again.

         When I looked back at the top of the paper after looking away for around five minutes, I noticed that the heart dotting my 'i' was gone. All that was left of it was a very faded outline. And, subconciously, I sighed. Was my mind trying to tell me that this, the removing of my i-heart, was making me unhappy? Unhappy that I'd blown what somewhat seemed like a slim chance at Ali's feelings? Yet, at the moment, my torn heart interfered, telling my mind to shut it. My mind listened, and my heart just stayed cold, taking away every good thing Ali had done and just leaving the bad.It was just a little heart, maybe even just an accident.

         Then why did it feel like a blow to my chest when I saw only the faded remains?