Super flatmate

Super Flatmate

Scene: a kitchen table, on one side of which sits Steve and Kay, on the other Superman

Superman: …and I can leap tall building in a single bound!

Kay: very impressive, but does that really help in any practical way, how will it affect my life as a potential flat mate?

Superman: ummm well… it would make me very quick at going to the shops, for milk or beers, if we’re having a party, eh

         Superman playfully punches Steve on the shoulder; this knocks him off his chair

Superman: (helping Steve up) sorry don’t know my own strength

Kay: anyway the shops are only at the corner of the road, there are no tall building between us and them

Superman: did I mention I was faster than a speeding bullet?

Kay: you did actually… and so did my friend Sharron, Sharron Jones.

         Superman looks embarrassed

Kay: there was something else that I wanted to talk to you about in fact, this X-ray vision of yours?

Superman: yes?

Kay:  If you were using it right now could we tell?

Superman: huh?

Kay if you were using your x-ray vision right now, to say look into the next room, or under my clothing, how could we tell?

Superman: I’m not sure as you could, there is no external change really, my retina simply…

Kay: yeah I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that; I assume the same thing goes with for the supersonic hearing

Superman: well… ummm… yeah

Kay: (standing up) Well it’s been lovely meeting you Superman, but I’m afraid I’m just not confortable sharing with someone who can see through walls, it’s a privacy issue.

Superman: well I …

Kay: but we both hope that you do find somewhere, but I’m afraid it’s not going to be here.

Steve hold out his had to shake, he and Superman shake hands, without malice; however Steve is still crippled with pain from the experience, superman holds out his hand for Kay, who wisely declines and waves, before gesturing towards the door, Superman exits.

Kay: god, how are we ever going to find anyone to take Claire’s room.

Steve: well you seem to take agenised all of them, we’ve only got one more person to see, are you sure you wouldn’t reconsider some of the others?

Kay: like who?

Steve: what about Dare Devil he was nice?

Kay: yeah he was, but I’m not spending all the money making our flat ‘accessible’ for a blind person

Steve:  how about the Incredible Hulk, green would go nicely with the sofa?

Kay: yeah he was ok, but then he got a bit angry, I didn’t like him when he was
angry

Steve: ok, how about Lion-o, I’ve always wanted a cat.

Kay: I’m allergic to cats, and he shouts ho all the time, which quite frankly I find offensive to women

Steve: Since you’re feeling all feminist how about Wonder Woman?

Kay: no lesbians

Steve: Jean Gray?

Kay: no gingers

Steve: Spiderman? What about Spiderman

Kay: two words, Sticky. Mess.

Steve: well what DO you want then?

Kay: honestly, someone who’ll do the washing up, and the laundry, and the
hovering, and cook me dinner, preferably all at the same time.

         Door bell

Steve: well that’s our last potential, lets see if you get your wish

         Steve goes to the door and opens it

Voice: (offstage) hi I’m Dr Octopus

         Kay looks at the audience and smiles

Blackout