Lacey.

          I am reminded by My favorite band, a lively bunch of boys from Stockton California, that you can never quarantine the past.
There are so many lessons we learn as people. We are often so disavowing of some of these lessons. Love. We all want so badly to love and be loved. We become enraged when love doesn't work the way we taught ourselves. We all disregard the words of our bringing up. We all fall in love so young, become bitter when older but still young, and often regret the "love' that we had when younger. We have been taught that if you don't succeed, then try again. Maybe love is not something you try. Love is not an object. You cannot search for it. You can't find the wind. The wind just happens to come across you.
         If I may take back one thing, it was that I loved you far too hard. I left my being behind, and became a mechanical animal for you. I loved you so much I broke myself over you. I tried so long. Four years long. You were in my bed, in my arms, asking me to never let you go. You got in your car, drove off, and never came back. As any temptress, you knew of this happening.You were giving me a warm shoulder and a quick, clean break. You were the thing I desired. You were my vice, I smoked for you, i wrote for you, I lived for you, I fought for you, I crumbled for you. You were anything a boy like me could want. You didn't care about my guitars, my music, the songs I wrote about you, nothing. You were my one true pain. You were my illness for so long. I was not blind to this. i was so aware and alert to what you were doing. It hurt, but I loved you. You were my goddess. you were my Helen, my Achilles heel, you were my Trojan horse, and even my Troy. I didn't wake up next to you and tell you, that you were the most beautiful woman in creation, and I was unfit to see you at you most vulnerable, your most beautiful... You were one of the few true visions of beauty I will ever see. You were my shining little star.


I don't miss you.