Jingle Bells, Batman Smells

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin Laid an Egg.  The Batmobile Lost a Wheel and Joker Got Away

“Which house is it, son?”

“The one on the corner.”

Batman dropped Charlie off in front of his house and started back to Wayne Manor.  His eyes were closing at the wheel and his body was drained, but by the face the kid had made when they were squeezed together in the Batmobile, he knew he needed a shower before bed.  “Of course I stink,” he mumbled as he passed through downtown Gotham, “you don’t fight off eighteen cronies and and not work up a sweat.”  His foot gently caressed the gas pedal trying not to exacerbate the screeching of the rear spokes against the pavement and the sparks bursting like fireworks.

Charlie’s parents had left work early, and they had been busy working the phones and following the news ever since.  Charlie’s mom had signed the release form for her boy to visit the Gotham City Zoo with his classmates, not thinking twice about it, and as she waited on line for her salad, breaking news interrupted onto the screen over the counter:

“We have breaking news from the Gotham City Zoo.  At just after 10:30 this morning, the jingling of the Zoo bells began, indicating an emergency on zoo grounds.  We have word that renowned criminal, “the Joker,” and his thugs have stormed the zoo in search of it’s prized possession, the Chesapeake Robin’s egg.  The Robin is world famous for its ability to lay one egg per year, made from uncut diamond.  The diamond egg is typically worth between 15-20 million dollars, and the funds are used to support the zoo.  Rumors have swirled that this years egg is scheduled to be laid today and it appears that the Joker believes them.  No word if Batman is on the scene but the area has been sealed off for a 20-block radius.”

By the time Charlie’s parents reached home, the local news had confirmed that Batman was at the zoo and engaging with the Joker and his men.  The police were also on the scene but refused to confirm or deny any details of what was going on inside, all they said is that, “we’re working to neutralize the situation.”  The news choppers flying overhead showed fuzzy, distant footage of the chaotic scene.  Explosions were accompanied by screams, animals were visibly loose from their display areas, and crowds of people were running for cover in every direction.

Down on the ground, Batman was interlocked with the Joker’s heavily armed men and could only assume that the Joker was off looking for the Robin.  Charlie was crouched at the edge of the Lion’s Den, the lions had long since escaped, and he was watching Batman fight off the Joker’s men, two, three, four at a time.  He wanted to help, but was too petrified to go near the action, so he just watched.  From his peripheral, Charlie saw the purple suit creeping around to the zoo’s aviary.  When they made eye contact, the Joker smiled and put an index finger to his lips, “shhhh,” he said.

Charlie jumped to his feet, “Batman! Batman!  The Joker’s over here!”

“Ohhhh, I told you to shhhh,” the Joker said and laughed maniacally as he grabbed Charlie wrapping a hand around his mouth and dragging him away.  Batman turned at Charlie’s call and saw the Joker holding a gun in one hand and the boy in the other.  He rolled a smoke bomb in the direction of the Joker’s men and it exploded, blowing some of them back and blinding the vision of the others long enough for Batman to pursue the Joker.  Inside the aviary, Joker’s cackling laugh echoed from the basement and Batman followed it down the stairs.  He knew he was close when he saw four zoo guards, armed like soldiers, laying neutralized on the ground; he turned the corner and there was the Joker with Charlie in his arms, and behind him another militarized zoo guard holding the birdcage with the Robin inside.

“Always helps to have an inside man,” the Joker said looking at the zoo guard.  Batman inched towards, them, “No, no, no, Batman, you wouldn’t want to get the boy hurt, would you?” The Joker had the gun pointed at Charlie’s head.

“I don’t care about the bird.  Let the boy go and you can leave with the bird.”

“HAHAHA of course I can leave with the bird!  But thanks for your permission, Batman, that’s really sweet of you.  Now stand in that corner over there, and we’re going to walk out of here very, very slowly.”

Batman did as he was told and the Joker backed out slowly with the gun on Charlie and his man with the Robin leading the way.  When they got outside there was a helicopter landed in the middle of the Lion’s Den and the guard hopped on board with the bird.  A massive lion had returned home in search of food and was gnarling at the Joker and Charlie.

“Oh boy, he looks hungry.  I’m sorry, Batman, I would love to stay and chat, but I’ve really got to run,” and the Joker pushed Charlie towards the lion and jumped onto the chopper as it took flight.  Batman lunged for the boy, kicking the lion in the face as it snatched at Charlie, and then shot a crossbow at the roof of the aviary and propelled the two of them up to safety.  The rest of the Joker’s men had already fled the scene and the swat team was swarming the area.

“Will it drive?” Charlie said pointing at the rear end of the Batmobile that had been nearly destroyed when it burst into the zoo.

“Of course.  Now let’s get you home.”

Charlie’s parent screamed and devoured him with love when he walked in, tattered but unharmed.  “Batman saved me, mom!”