For Men Only (1/3)

FOR MEN ONLY (1/3)
BECOMING FRIENDS
I waited in line, all through my freshman year to become friends with Tamara. She had the attention of all the boys, both in and out of our level. When we finally became friends, I discovered there was nothing special about her. As often as possible, I ask myself if it was really worth the wait. Remembering that time, made me think hard about friendship.
I thought for a long time about it; its essence and relevance to our existence. Why do we need one another? I know there are no clear cut rules in making friends. There are no steps just guides or points to take note. You become friends from the moment you set eyes on one another and show interest. You become friends, observe and continue communication. I might not be able to write from a feminine perspective and I'm hoping someday, someone would do us all the favor and put their thoughts in writing. For now, I'll be content to put my thoughts in writing and make it… For Men Only.

Remember we all stumble every one of us.
That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.
Emily Kimbrough.

First, let’s get the attention with a little Eye Contact.
This bold gesture can be done almost anywhere. If you’re attracted to a lady, a little eye contact would not hurt. Let her know you looked her way, let the look be more of a compliment than that of sexual attraction; more of a passing glance, brief enough to make her know that you looked her way. This way the look you create would be so honest that it will seem like a coincidence.
After you’ve done that, stare intentionally. This should last longer than the look, as staring shows interest.
At this point, it is advisable not to rush. Wait! Wait for an opportunity to present itself and when it does, be ready for the next phase which is:
The Hand Shake
Some people feel a handshake is just natural. We meet, introduce ourselves shake hands and that’s all! Well, I disagree. This is because over time, I have come to realize what a simple handshake, complimented with a smile can do.
I had started dating Tanya, when she told me how she had known I liked her. She said that apart from the stares and stolen glances, she confirmed it in the way I shook her hand when we were properly introduced. As my hands were the warmest she shook that day. You might think she was just saying that, but I was not surprised hearing it since the handshake was well rehearsed. I had known she was invited to the gathering so I practiced how I would behave when we met. I rehearsed the gentility in the touch with my sister (sisters are good accomplices) and my charming smile in the mirror.
If you are searching for a friend, avoid turning the handshake into a caress as this might send a wrong signal. Make it simple and gentle. The gentle nature will show your care and tenderness. You don’t believe me? Ask Jennifer because after I shook her, she found it difficult to let go. So I braced myself for the next stage which is, Good Conversation.
A well structured conversation leaves room for the other to contribute. Nothing stays longer in memory than a well structured conversation. From research, it has been discovered that: “women react more to what they hear than what they see”. So, practicing your conversation would not be a crime.
A compliment makes a good opening line. Picture yourself in a gathering and the lady of interest comes in. Most guys must have complimented her looks so before she gets to you, she must have heard a lot of “Hey Jenny, you look good” or “Nice dress”. So, in your case, compliment not only the top, pants, dress, earrings, shoes or anything every other guy must have commented on but also talk about the color. Most women admire men with a good sense of color (so be sure you are wearing a color that compliments you). Look out for how the color blends with maybe her makeup or earring. But if it doesn’t, don’t refer to it. Compliment her if she is dressed beautifully and you can add that her smile is too radiant to be hidden. If she has on a bright color, then you are in luck, just tie it to the smile. If you feel it is not the time, then don’t say it. The compliment is only an introduction, but it can serve as the building block for a good conversation because with complimenting her smile, the ground is set for why you said so. You can now delve into a brief history of lovely smiles. Give examples of beautiful and ugly celebrities (the ugly ones will make her laugh). You can even pick some examples from those around that seem oblivious of both your existence.
If you are prepared mentally, then the conversation will be so good that it would sound just like the wolf in “Little Red Riding Hood” when answering her questions. At this juncture, (if you get here) it would be nice to follow John Legend’s advice and “take it slow…” Now you’ve become friends and the words you have said would keep ringing in her head. Sure you want it to last but there’s still a lot of work to be done because friendship is a whole new ball game.
Your conversation has gone beyond introductions. This is where smart play comes in. Your earlier conversation (if very, very good) would serve as ground work for this conversation. How?
In the first meeting, you might have talked about her smile, its radiance in relation to color etc. You have sounded different from others and this would leave her wanting to hear more. Take Tanya for instance, the first time we met, I commented on her hairstyle. Not just the beauty in it but also how it blends with the structure of her face. The next thing I knew, I was giving lecture (which she already knew) on oval, square, plump and triangular shaped faces and hair styles that goes with them. At this point it is evident that she has heard, she is moved but now she is touched because I am in touch with my feminine side. Ladies are touched when they discover the guy is in touch with his feminine side. Believe me all guys have got it. You just have to exploit it! By learning and observing of course I scored huge points with her that day. To prove my words are true, our next meeting was wonderful. Since we worked in the same building, it was kind of hard for us not to bump into each other. This time we met in an elevator and I noticed she had on a new hair-style. After exchanging pleasantries, I carefully studied her to check where to come in. The silence was awkward so she adjusted her hair twice and I knew this was my cue. If opportunity presents itself, always be the first to break the ice. This way you stay in charge of the conversation. I took the adjusting of her hair to mean she has not forgotten our last conversation and it still had its effect. The whole idea of the last conversation being so good is to ensure that on your next meeting, she would have no other choice but to stay tuned to the topic of your last discussion. In Tanya’s case she was continuing the conversation through the physical motion of the hair. So I seized the opportunity to implement a new trick. I call it “The loud Whisper”.
The loud whisper is my way of getting attention innocently but with style. The catch is in the volume – Loud but not loud. If you do not know it, a little rehearsal won’t hurt.
I leaned a little to the side and said, “You’ve done it again”. The look on her face was like she knew not what I was talking about but her smile said the message had been passed and was understood. Getting a lady to smile is worth more than a stomach full of laughter. This is because she has let you see the beauty you have created inside with your words. Then she said, “What have I done?” Rather than going straight to say “I am talking about your hair, the hair is nice.” Just say, “When would you introduce me to your stylist?” This way you have given her a cue too, to say more than a “well thank you”. It also saves both of you the embarrassment of smiling goofily. At this stage, conversation 2 has started, and you are in charge. Smile.

Word of advice: If you are not here yet, then exercise Patience. Getting a lasting friend is a gradual process and lots of work.